The Choices We Make
by Katherine Austen
Summary: Everyone has choices to make, and must suffer the consequences, good or bad. Meredith struggles with her own choices and shocking discovery. Alex deals with feelings for Izzie as she tries to heal. And someone with ties to Meredith finds themselves at SG.
1. Chapter 1: The First Choice

**TITLE:** The Choices We Make

**AUTHOR:** Kate of Claire and Kate

**DISCLAIMER:** Don't own anybody :)

**NOTES:** I Loved writing my songfic, and decided, I can't get enough grey-fic. So, here we go my first chapter saga about the Grey's universe. Short Chapter, many many many more to come!

* * *

Meredith Grey didn't want to make the choice. She couldn't! Not there, not then, not like that. 

He was looking at her again, Derek was looking at her. Beckoning her with his eyes, as Finn beckoned with his voice.

"Meredith?" Finn called again.

_Stop saying my name,_ She thought.

If she couldhave frozen time, she would have.She would have leftthem both standing there as she ran away, ran far away and never had to make a choice.

Derek's eyes never shifted, she stared at him, waiting to see if he'd even blink.

Meredith finally spoke up, her gaze shifting to Finn.

"Izzie needs me," She said, closing her eyes for a moment as she thought. She wasn't goingto make the choice that night.Notthere, not then.Before either could speak, before Derek could even blink, she swiftly turned and bolted down the stairs.

Not there, not then.

----------------

Meredith slipped the worn turtleneck over her head, looked at herself in it, then pulled it off quickly. It made her think of him. He was the last person she wanted to think about then.

She found an old T-shirt instead, pulled it over her head and combed her fingers through her hair, pulling it up into a loose ponytail.

Izzie stood in the doorframe of Meredith's room, her mascara still stained onherpale cheeks but she was comfortably dressed, a mug of green tea in her hands.

"Izzie...I..."

Izzie shook her head. "You don't have to say anything," She said softly. "Words won't bring him back and words won't change anything."

She looked away as the tears filled her eyes. "Alex...Alex keeps saying he died happy. He died in love. He...he says..." She could barely talk as the sobs consumed her whole body. Meredith took the mug from Izzie's hand, set it on her dresser and embraced her melancholy friend, her surgery sibling and confidant.

Izzie pulled away and tried her hardest to smile at Meredith. "Tell me something funny, something random, tell me something that'll make the pain go away, even for a moment."

Meredith needed to get it out, she needed to say it, and she didn't even bother to stop herself. "I had sex with Derek. I excused myself from Finn and I had sex with Derek. Really good sex...but bad sex in the sense that wow, we really shouldn't have even been having sex. But we did, we had good bad sex and I'm still sitting here trying to make a choice. I chose to have sex with Derek...but I can't choose between he and Finn."

Izzie looked from her teary eyes in shock at Meredith, too dumbfounded to even speak.

"I am a whore. I really am a whore," Meredith said to herself.

------------------------

They sat in the room, silent. The beep and whir of medical machines and whispers in the hallway was all they heard.

Cristina held Preston's hand in hers. They stared at each other, his heart full and relieved to see her sitting next to him.

He tried hard to grip her hand, tried hard to squeeze it within his and feel the warmth.

Cristina smiled at him, and he smiled back at her through his pain.

He loved it when she smiled, those rare moment where her walls came down and her eyes would sparkle.

Yeah, he loved her smile.


	2. Chapter 2: Unfolding

**NOTES: Another short chapter, just trying to get past the inital things from the finale I wanted to touch on and then start on some longish chapters :)**

* * *

_I understand the need to preserve electricity but the lack of lamp use is going to make me..._**CRASH**. Meredith found herself on the floor, barely able to finish her thoughts_. ...trip._

"Shit," She heard.

"Shit?" She called out.

"Shit," The voice said again.

She heard the click of the lamp and saw Alex, his leg hanging off the couch, the cause of Meredith's nosedive.

"Nice wake up call," He smirked, eyeing Meredith on the floor. Meredith could easily guess why he was sleeping in her living room, but decided to say something regardless.

"Last I checked my couch wasn't a Motel 6," She stated, "But if you seem to think so we're offering a low, low fare of 49.99 a night."

Alex rolled his eyes, "Look, I'm here for Izzie."

"Ah," Meredith said, sitting next to Alex on the couch.

"Not to sound like a pussy or anything but... You ever fuck something up royally, then when you've really sat and realized you fucked up royally its way too late to fix it."

"Who doesn't?" Meredith replied. "We all screw up, we do something ridiculous that lays heavy on our thoughts and we wonder why we do it...over and over again, until we do something even more stupid that overshadows the first stupid mistake and then you just look like court jester." She gave a sigh. "I want cocoa...yes, Cocoa, I'm going to make some cocoa...Alex, would you like cocoa?"

Alex raised his eyebrows. "You have serious vent up frustrations."

"No cocoa for you then?" Meredith said, walking off to the kitchen.

"I'll have some," Izzie said softly as she entered the living room.

_Had she been there the whole time_? Alex wondered.

He watched her walk past him, the soft fragrance of her body wash lingering as she passed. He hated himself for letting go, he hated himself for not giving into what he felt, he hated himself for letting her fall in love with another and he hated himself for all the ill wishes he made, Denny didn't deserve to die and Izzie didn't deserve to hurt like she did.

------------------------------

"What was that?" Callie asked, rolling over onto her right side to stare at George who had his hands behind his head, thinking.

"What was what?" George asked.

:"You didn't just hear a thud?"

George shook his head.

"Hmm, should we check?" Callie asked.

"No, Meredith probably tripped over something," George stated.

"Ah."

"Callie?" George asked.

"Yeah?"

"I Love You."

--------------------------------------------

"Yang?" Miranda Bailey called out to the woman, passed out still holding Preston's hands in hers, her head resting on his hospital bed.

"Yang!" Miranda said firmly.

Cristina shot up, her hands never leaving Preston's.

"Ah! Yes, Ma'am."

"Go home, get some rest, change your clothes, take a hot bath, do something."

"I'm fine, Dr. Bailey."

"Yang, I know how you are when you don't get enough sleep. I just lost one of my interns, and right now, I need you. I'm not tryin' to be nice here, I'm not candy coatin' or giving you ego boosts, I need to order your ass around, so you need to rest, you need to shower, and then you need to remember, I had my baby while my husband was getting his brain prodded. I'll sympathize for a moment, but you know full well he wouldn't want you to just sit and mope. Make him proud."

Cristina watched Bailey exit the room and then looked back at Preston.

She sighed and let go of his hand. "I...I gotta go...but! But I will be back...and...I love you. I love you very much," Cristina said, as she stood and walked towards the door.

"Cristina?" Preston weakly called out.

Cristina turned and looked at him with teary eyes.

"I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3: Silver Rain Fell

**NOTES**: WOW. This has already been my most successful fic yet and I just started writing it. I appreciate everyone who has dropped in. I was very nervous about writing a major Grey's fic and capturing certain characters so all the positive feedback has made me really happy :) Touching on Addison/Finn this chapter, just thinking and so on. I've had a few people request it and of course we can't forget about them...or Derek ;) He's coming in soon, worry not. Ha and of all the times I'm thankful I'm from Washington, writing this fic is one of them, lol. I almost MISS all the rain and cooler weather now that I'm in So Cal. Anymore suggestions, drop me a PM or email, I'm always open to suggestions.

Tazitz - yep, I mainly write Lost fics, lol. I'm seriously writing this fic and FOUR other Lost Fics at the same time and the Lost fics (except one) were kinda put on the backburner for a bit so I don't go insane between all those fics, work, family life, acting and all that jazz, haha. And I have honestly been debating a Bones fic too! I LOVE Bones. I wanted to do a Brennan/Booth oneshot eventually but I'm nervous about writing them lol. How about that finale? Wow!

Anywho, read on!

(And just a reminder for all those meany people who just love to sue...I DON'T OWN THEM. Sure wish I owned McSteamy tho, ahahaha)

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It was raining.A light, misty rain on a cool late night.Typical Seattle, Washington weather. Addison Shepard sighed as she turned the key, starting her car and backing out of ther parking space. She felt hurt, she felt alone and she just wanted the answers that she knew he wasn't ready to give yet. He didn't think she'd noticed thathe and Meredithleft the prom together? He didn't think she'd notice how strange they both were acting? The night weighed heavily on everyone at Seattle Grace, but Addison felt like she was carrying the most weight at times. She didn't want to be selfish, she didn't want to whine or complain, but she just couldn't take it anymore.

She saw him watch Meredith leave, she saw the longing in his eyes, and at the same time, she missed Mark.

She loved Derek, and she was being punished for her mistakes, for sleeping with his best friend. She couldn't hate him for loving Meredith, she couldn't hate him for the way he stared at her, the way he longed for her. She could just stand by and watch, accept her punishment.

She just wanted to know, she wanted to know if she really needed to give up trying. Derek didn't look at her the same anymore. There was no fire in his kiss or passion in his embrace.

There was simply Addison, and there was simply Derek. There was no them, and to her, no us.

There was Derek and Meredith, and there was Addison, just Addison, alone with a heavy heart.

-------------------------------------

Cristina knew she didn't need to knock, she was welcome to walk in at anytime of day, any minute of the night hours. She could hear Meredith chattering away as she slid in. She didn't want to go home, home just wasn't home without him there. Home wasn't an empty apartment with sorrow in the air, home was a place with people who truly cared, and right now, home was at Meredith's.

"Cristina!" Meredith exclaimed. "Have some cocoa."

"Meredith its June. Why are we drinking cocoa?"

"Just drink the damn cocoa," Alex muttered.

"How...how is Burke?" Izzie stated, stirring her cocoa with a cinnamon stick, her eyes still filled with a seemingly infinite sadness.

"He's...he's alright," Cristina nodded.

Everyone sat in silence. Even Meredith didn't know what to say as the death and sadness lingered around them.

Izzie took a deep breath before blurting out, "Meredith had sex. Meredith had sex with McDreamy."

Cristina spit out the cocoa, she was about to swallow as Alex raised his eyebrows and Meredith glared at Izzie.

"She's delusional. Izzie, what day is it?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I'm NOT delusional, but me thinking about her mc-screwing gets my mind off of..." She didn't even finish her words, Alex, ears open to whatever Meredith was going to stay, placed his hand on top of Izzie's comforting her.

"Wait, you mean you had sex with him recently?"

Meredith knew she couldn't lie now and gave a nod.

"HOW recent and why didn't you tell me?"

"Tonight recent."

"Tonight as in...before or after prom?"

"During prom."

"Wow, just like high school," Alex smirked.

"This is one really bad joke, right?" Cristina asked, setting down her mug. "Because I'm not laughing, look at me. No laughter here, no little chuckle and in no way a giggle, no laughter."

"It's not a joke," Izzie stated. "While other people were suffering, Meredith was getting laid."

"Izzie..." Meredith trailed off, as Izzie stood and left the kitchen.

"I'm bettingfive bucks on Ghengis Cunt the Gyno-Wench, personally. You know, as in who is gonna win the fight. She's got height and weight on you, Grey," Alex smirked.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Don't you have a vagina to prod somewhere?"

--------------------

He knew in his heart that he was losing a battle he didn't even know he was fighting. He watched the way she looked at him, and the way she stared back, the confusion in her eyes. He didn't want to loose her, he had lost his wife, lost his heart...and just when he found it again...he had a deep rooted feeling that it would be lost again soon.

Finn sat at the edge of his bed, deep in thought. He saw the secrets in her eyes, and he knew she'd keep them locked away.

He was angry with himself for falling so hard, so fast.

He could still smell the gentle fragrance of her hair. The smell that hit him as he held her when she cried, cried for her dog, cried for her confusion, cried for the answer she desperately needed.

He stared back at the glowing red of his alarm clock and gave a sigh. He needed to sleep, he had a busy day ahead of him, yet sleep evaded him. Sleep dangled before him, like in those silly cartoons where a carrot's dangled before some helpless donkey that just wants his fill, but can't quite grasp it.

Finn pulled back the sheets and laid down, only to stare at a blank ceiling.

If only his mind were as blank at that moment.

-------------------------------


	4. Chapter 4: No Tears Over Spilt Milk

Morning crept in rather quickly, and those sleeping at Meredith's quickly scrambled to get ready to head to the hospital. Despite the drama of the previous night, they still were interns and still had to show up. In their world, there were few excuses. Unless you were Izzie Steven who, with tears in her eyes, told the chief she quit. Lounging in her pajamas, she sipped her chai latte and watched the others get ready.

Callie had left early, slipping out before everyone but George was even awake. Meredith was still in a daze as she shuffled into the shower, crossing her fingers that it was all just a dream.

Cristina, who had ran back to the apartment she and Burke shared to grab clothes, slipped in the door, eyeing Izzie on the couch.

"You're serious?" Cristina muttered.

Izzie didn't bother to answer, she just shot Cristina a glance and gave her tea another sip.

"She's serious," Alex said as he entered the room. "For now."

"Forever," Izzie muttered.

Cristina was about to say something, but Alex gave her a look that kept her mouth closed.

"MEREDITH!" Cristina called out instead. "GAS PRICES ARE RIDICULOUS. HENCE CARPOOLING. HURRY...UP!"

Cristina turned to Alex, "She's doing her hair, isn't she?"

"Do I look like her publicist?"

"You need to stop being around so many women, I'm beginning to think PMS is contagious. You're a bitch, Karev."

"Right back at ya, Yang," Alex grinned, turning to Izzie before saying, "I gotta head home real fast, change, you need anything, page me," He said.

Izzie nodded.

"MEREDITH!" Cristina yelled again, as Alex slipped out of the house. Meredith eyed George as he zoomed down the hallway, and out the door, she assumed he was probably sitting in her car already, before she could even get him to whine to ride with them.

"I'm coming, start the car!" Echoed down the hallway. "My keys are on the counter!"

Cristina sighed before she turned, went to fetch the keysand walked out the door.

Meredith ran down, eyeing Izzie on the couch, alone.

Izzie said nothing, as Meredith sat down beside her. "When my Dad left, I had so much to say but I was too young to really know how to say it. When I got older, I started writing letters to him in a journal, angsty, painful, why meletters. It didn't fix me, or make everything go away, but it did help...a little bit. Maybe...maybe you should write letters to Denny," Meredith suggested. She gave Izzie a gentle hug, and then stood and grabbed her things.

"You sure this is what you want?" Meredith asked, turning as she started to leave.

"Yes," Izzie said with a nod.

The house was empty and silent. She could still smell Meredith's Victoria's Secret body spray lingering in the air, Alex's aftershave and the sweet, spicy smell of her now cold Chai Latte.

She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that it would keep the tears from coming, hoping that when she opened them, it would all be a dream, and she would be standing at her wedding Denny's hands in hers as they heard "You may now kiss the bride."

------------------------------------

_Dear Denny:_

_Meredith suggested that I start writing you letters. At first it sounded so...dumb and childish to me, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. So here I am with a spiral notebook and a box of tissues. _

_I keep asking myself why? Why did this happen? I want to ask myself if I did the right thing, but everytime, I stop myself and say yes, yes I did. You earned that heart Denny, it was yours. I gave up everything for that small amount of time with you and I'd do it again anyday. _

_I miss you, I miss you so much. I miss you staring at my boobs or making some pervy comment. I miss your touch, I miss your voice, I miss your laugh! _

_You're mad at me, aren't you? Mad at me for quitting. You'd say that it was a dumb decision and to get my (hot) ass back to that hospital. I know you, you'd give me that smile and a pep talk..._

_Why can't it be your turn again? Why must it be my turn forever here? I wish I could flip the page and see your words scribbled out for me, saying "I'll be late tonight baby, but I'll make up for it."_

_I need to stop crying over the paper, the ink is running and my hand is stained with ink. _

_There's so much to say but I just don't know how to say it._

_I love you, Denny Duquette._

_I'll write again soon._

_Love,_

_Izzie_

-----------------------------------------------------

"Karev, why aren't you up on my floor?" Addison asked as she entered the hospital. Alex turned and rolled his eyes, walking ahead of her towards the elevators. Addison eyed Meredith, who was more fidgety around her then usual.

She continued walking, the look in Meredith's eyes cementing Addison's fears. Something really was going on, and she wasn't just leaping to conclusions.

"No Stevens?" Bailey asked as she walked towards George and Meredith.

"Nope," George said as Meredith shook her head.

"I was hoping for a rash decision." Bailey sighed.

"Yeah, She admitted to cutting the L-Vat though," George stated, "I don't think the chief would be woo-hooing over it."

"Alright enough gossip, my remaining suck-ups. O'Malley, I've got a woman who seems to be a hypochondriac, her kid swallowed some marbles, and she's thinking its the end of the damn world. I don't know how he didn't choke but calm her down, before I stick my foot in her ass."

George nodded and gave a salute as he walked off.

"I saw that!" Bailey declared, turning to Meredith, who was looking over Bailey, obviously waiting to catch a glimpse of Derek.

"Are we distracted today, Grey?"

Meredith shook her head.

"Good, I don't like distracted interns. So, you...help Dr Torres, I have to go find Yang, and I don't think she's gonna be hard to find."

---------------------

"Hey," Preston said softly, as Cristina entered his room.

"Hey," She replied, smiling at him.

He smiled back, staring at her for a moment, his eyes full of love.

"I would have come earlier but..."

"Its alright," Preston said, as she sat down beside him. "You don't need to excuse yourself. You're here now."

"How are you?" Cristina asked, taking his hand in hers again.

"Better...now," He said.

"Squeeze my hand," Cristina said, looking him in the eyes.

Preston cleared his throat as he saw Bailey in the doorway.

"Oh uh...I was just checking his uh..." Cristina said as she looked at Bailey.

"I don't wanna know what you were checkin', Yang. You can come up here when I say you can, and right now I say you can't."

Preston chuckled a bit as Cristina let go of his hand.

"I'm not going anywhere," He said. "I'll see you when and if you get some free time."

Cristina nodded.

"I didn't come here to watch lifetime, come on girl."

"See you soon," Cristina smiled as Preston.

----------------------------

"So Karev...Stevens, is she serious?" Addison asked.

"Want me to call her an ask her?" Alex groaned.

"I'm just wondering. She said she couldn't be a surgeon...yes? Well, what about Obstetrics and Gynecology?"

"Would that clear my ass?" Alex asked, seeming rather excited at the possibility of NOT seeing Addison almost every day.

"No..." Addison smirked. "I'm not done with you yet."

Alex rolled his eyes. "I'll talk to her, but I don't think you'll get your answer anytime soon."

"No rushing."

"And the chief..."

"I already spoke to the chief, if she does decide to come back to the hospital, he just wants to have a brief talk with her. I think she would do well here."

"I'll say something to her...as long as if she does it, and does okay and likes it, I get to get the hell off this floor," Alex replied.

"Deal." Addison said with a nod.


	5. Chapter 5: Final Goodbye

Izzie felt as if she couldn't breathe. It was like a ton of bricks were laying on her chest and she couldn't even move. She wanted to cry, but she held it back. If she lost it then, she'd never get back up on her feet again.

She saw him laying there, his casket open and wondered,**_are they sure he isn't just sleeping_? _He looks so handsome in his tuxedo, there's no wires holding him back now. He's free_.** She's hopedit was just some sort of cruel joke, hoped that he would pop up atany second and she would beat on his chest telling him what a jackass he was, then they'd kiss and make up and everything would be fine again. But he laid there, cold, silent...he was gone and there was no coming back.

She was surprised to see the Chief and Bailey there, and Alex, George & Meredith remained by her side. She didn't know anyone else there, old friends of Denny's, perhaps ex girlfriends, maybe a cousin or two. She didn't know because she wouldn't be able to handle talking about him.

Alex urged her to step up to his coffin, to get one last look at him. To say good-bye. She sighed, swallowed back tears and stood, her arms shaking, her hand closed tight around something her friends were curious about.

She opened her hand, four scrabble letters. **L,O,V,E.**

She tucked each letter under his cold hands. It was all she had to give him, and it represented them, their endless scrabble games where he would set down every sexual innuendo he knew and she would laugh, her eyes sparkling, love overpowering her body and soul.

He looked so peaceful, and she lost it. She lost it when it hit her that he wasn't waking up, this was the final good-bye. There was no turning back.

Alex sprang to his feet, pulling her head to his chest with one arm and wrapping his other arm around her shoulders, he held her close as she sobbed into his chest, a riverof tears and sorrow soaking his dress shirt.

She sobbed the whole way to the graveyard, as Alex drove, following the hearse.

_**It wasn't really Denny in that coffin, was it?**_

She wanted to close her eyes and it would be over, a bad nightmare, one of those that you try so hard to wake up, you're screaming at yourself to just open your eyes but you're locked away in your mind and you can't break free. She wanted to scream at herself, tear at her skin.

**_WAKE UP, IZZIE. WAKE UP_**. She thought to herself, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

She couldn't watch them put him in the earth. She stared at the moist grass at her feet, the words of the priest echoing in her mind.

She hated good-byes. And this was Denny's final farewell.

---------------------------------------------------------------

_Dear Denny-_

_Yesterday was your funeral. Time goes by so slowly. I've sat alone in my room for hours now. Just laying here, thinking. Thinking about what my life would be like if you were still here._

_Meredith has been very strange lately. I don't know what's on her mind, but Alex told me she avoids Derek like some sort of plague. Finn calls all the time and even showed up here yesterday looking for her. I guess she'd avoiding him too. She's so strange, isn't she? I know her too well, and I firmly believe that she feels avoiding them will make it all go away. I guess I've been thinking like that too, you know...avoiding the hospital but I don't feel like I can do it anymore. I don't want to be around the death and sorrow anymore. But that hospital is like my second home, I'll admit I miss lunch with everyone. coffee in the morning and laughing at the silly things. I don't remember what is like to really laugh...laugh and mean it. I really want to laugh again, but my heart feels so heavy._

_I miss you, and I'll write again soon._

_Your Izzie_

-----------------------------------

"I thank Cristina," Preston Burke said, looking to his left, eyeing Cristina and giving her a broad smile.

"No picking up the scalpel yet," Derek smiled. "But we're dismissing you."

It had been a couple weeks since he had been shot, and his fears were finally disappearing, he was gaining control of his hand again and he credited Cristina's constant presence and perseverance that helped it all pay off in the end.

"Go home, rest, recover. I don't wanna see you here again too soon. I want to see you back in top shape."

Derek smiled as Preston gave him a firm handshake with his right hand. Derek patted his shoulder as he left the room, Cristina by his side.

He only wished Meredith would make up her mind, and he could turn to see **her** at **his** side.

--------------------------------

"Oh uh...Hi Finn," Meredith quietly said, as Finn stood before her.

"I didn't want to bug you, but we've talked to little since the prom...these past few weeks I've been pretty worried."

"I'm sorry its just...Izzie, when I'm not here I try to spend time with her, you know?"

"Hey, I understand, she needs you right now," Finn nodded. "Hey, why don't you stop by my place tonight? I have a surprise for you."

Meredith gave a gentle smile and said, "I'll hopefully be done here around eight, I'll stop by as soon as I'm done, okay?"

"Perfect," Finn said giving Meredith a gentle hug. "I'll let you get back to work, see you then."

Derek got off the elevator, andthe first thing his eyes locked on was Meredith and Finn.

His smile seemed forced and awkward as Finn turned and left. She seemed so sad, alone almost, trapped inside her own mind, buried by one thousand questions andno answers to dig her out.

He needed something to say, something just to hear her voice, something that didn't sound desperate or fake. He wanted to say I love you, he wanted to pick her and he wanted everything to turn out right. Why wouldn't he just give in, he needed her and deep in her heart she knew she needed him. But they kept at their game, kept playing and then never won. Both losers on a broken path.

Her eyes met his and she desperately wanted to speak. She knew he saw her, saw her with Finn and she knew he wished it was him instead.

He walked towards her forcing whatever he could say that made sense, whatever would grab her attention from his mouth. "I planted some flowers on Doc's grave," He finally said.

Meredith nodded. "He'd like that...I mean, he'd probably just pee on them...but he'd like it."

They both stared at their feet for a moment before Meredith finally blurted out, "Why do we do this? Why do we pretend nothing happened?"

"I wonder the same thing."

"Why does something so right feel so wrong?" Meredith asked. She fought back the emotion building up inside her.

"Paging Dr Grey to Trauma 1, Dr. Grey to Trauma 1."

"Don't go," Derek pleaded.

"Give me a reason to stay," Meredith said, barely above a whisper, she walked to the elevator, watching the doors as they opened slowly.

Addison slipped out, eyeing Meredith. She gave a gentle smile before she looked over Meredith's shoulder to see Derek, and her smile turned to a frown.

She saw the frustration in Meredith eyes and the longing in Dereks. She was tired of this game, and she wanted out. She could no longer stand in the middle of it, he didn't love her like he loved Meredith, and she was beginning to understand.

But it didn't mean she was ready to let go.

-----------------------------------

"Sleep on it," Alex said, digging in the brown paper bag he had set on Izzie's bed. He pulled out a carton of Ben & Jerrys and gave Izzie a smirk.

"Ooo, chunky munky!" Izzie declared.

"Being around chicks all the time has taught me all sorts of tricks. You guys can't resist ice cream."

He handed Izzie a plastic spoon and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Actually, not being an asshole is a good way to attract women."

"We're getting off subject here," Alex said.

Izzie took a bite of her ice cream and thought for a second, "I'll sleep on it. I mean...I don't know if I'm ready to step foot in the hospital again. I think I could handle OB/GYN but..."

"He'd want you to go back there."

"Yeah, I know," She said softly. "Like I said, I'll sleep on it."

-----------------------------------

"Want another beer?" Callie asked Meredith.

"No, I'm fine. I need to take off in a few anyway, promised Finn I'd drop by tonight."

"You feeling alright?" She asked, eyeing Meredith.

"I think all this stress is taking a physical toll on me. I'm just...exhausted. My head is pounding, my stomach hurts and I'm too tired to even bother with anything."

"Got a lot on your mind..." Callie winked.

"Tell me about it."

George sat down and eyed Meredith as she stood and put her jacket on.

"Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah."

"See you back at the house?"

Meredith nodded and gave a light smile before leaving.

"Is it just me, or has she been weird lately?" Callie asked, her eyebrows raised.

"She's been weird," George replied.

"I still don't understand her sometimes," Callie said shaking her head.

"Hey, I give you a gold star for trying," George smiled.


	6. Chapter 6: Mr Snuggles

"I'm going to kill him." Izzie groaned as she looked at the ball of fur in Meredith lap on the couch. Finn's surprise let Izzie rather angry.

"Its a Pomeranian." Meredith said.

"I don't care what it is, no more dogs!"

"It lost its mommy." Meredith said with a pout and big eyes.

"I'm about to lose it!" Izzie growled.

"I think she's cute." George said, touching the puppy who licked his hand.

"Traitor." Izzie said, rolling her eyes.

"Can't we give it a test run?" Meredith asked.

"You're serious?" Izzie asked.

George and Meredith gave Izzie big, wide eyes and exaggerated pouts.

"George you are horrible." Izzie groaned.

"Hey this one likes me." George smiled.

"For NOW." Izzie stated. She realized it was an obvious two to one battle and shrugged. "Okay, whatever."

"Let's name it Mr. Snuggles!" George cried out.

"Its a GIRL, George."

"So, it'll give her a complex, she'll be tough."

Izzie couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, Mr. Snuggles, Yes!" George said in a cutesy voice, petting the dog.

"Mr. Snuggles then?" Meredith asked Izzie.

"Mr. Snuggles it is." Izzie laughed.

--------------------------------------------

Dear Denny-

Finn gave Meredith a DOG. A DOG. Do we need a dog? NO. But Meredith just CANT say no. (I think I made that clear with her doing McDreamy a while ago) The dog is very cute, I guess some lady turned in a bunch of Puppies her dog had and he was having a hard time getting rid of it. That, to me is a bad sign. She already peed on the floor and I stepped in it. George thinks she's sooooo cute and perfect. Yeah because unlike Doc, this one isn't dry humping him.

Alex took me to your grave yesterday, and we played Scrabble. It just felt right, but it wasn't quite the same...it was missing you. Its been over a month since you died and it doesn't feel any different.

Apparently I'm wanted at Addison's intern now. She's begging and pleading...I was interested in doing it before and I know Addison thinks I'm more then capable but I don't feel ready to go back yet. The past few nights the last thing I hear from Alex is "sleep on it". I think he's so pushy because he wants to get off the Vagina crew but at the same time...he's really been looking out for me.

Meredith has been so STRANGE. Even for Meredith. She said she just doesn't feel good but I think she's got major McDreamy on the brain. She's been hanging out with Finn and I've told her she can't play this game anymore. She can't hurt Finn and I KNOW in her heart she can't give up on Derek.

THE DOG JUST TOOK A CRAP IN THE HALLWAY. I am NOT cleaning it up. This is ridiculous.

Please help me if either of these two decide to reproduce.

I wish you were here to help me make a decision about interning...Though I could bet money that your answer wouldn't be verbal, you'd be shoving me out the door right now.

I miss you and love you,

Izzie

------------------------------------------

Addison didn't know why she was still there. Still sitting on the bed, getting herself together. The cramped trailer was just another reminder of the path they were on, a path that lead to nowhere.

She didn't know why Meredith avoided him, but she honestly wished she wouldn't. Just so it could all happen, so it could all come to an end and she could stand there and pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

She wondered why the even still slept in the same bed. It wasn't the same anymore and she wasn't the only one who knew it.

--------------------------------------

Derek massaged his scalp, rinsing out the shampoo, thinking about her, he always thought about her. Every waking minute, he thought about Meredith. She haunted his dreams and it was obvious he was distracted. How could he call himself a surgeon when he couldn't even focus on his work?

He closed his eyes as the warm water flowed over his face. He thought about Addison, it wasn't right to do this to her, but it was huis own fault for choosing her over Meredith in the first place. He had hoped that it would be easy to push his feeling for Meredith aside, but they only got stronger in his desperate attempt.

Addison had left already when he slipped out of the shower. He couldn't help but sigh. This wasn't easy, but no one ever said it would be. But he knew he couldn't just let Meredith go either.

----------------------------

Izzie paced the hallway. She wanted to make up her mind but part of her was still scared to go through with it.

She stopped when she heard someone throwing up in the bathroom.

Someone had too much to drink last night. She laughed to herself.

She knew Alex was downstairs, and she wanted to finally be able to answer him. He was there every morning and almost every free moment he got, checking in on her. Meredith was ready to start charging him rent.

She leaned against the wall as the bathroom door opened and to Izzie's surprise, Meredith walked out, looking nothing short of miserable.

"Mer, are you okay?" She asked, a little worried.

"I'm fine." Meredith said, with a faked smile.

Call it a friend's intuition, call it jumping to conclusions, but a horrible notion dawned on Izzie at that moment. A notion that caused her to make her decision.

She would be Addison's intern.

"I'm going to go back to the hospital today." Izzie declared, surprising Meredith.

"Really?" Meredith weakly asked.

"Someone has to look out for you." Izzie muttered, grabbing Meredith's hand and dragging her down the hallway.


	7. Chapter 7: Delete and rewrite

NOTES: Thanks to everyone who has reviewd :) You guys are fantastic. Everyone wants to know, is this a MerDer fic? Well...I like making people squirm, LOL. So I'm NOT telling.

"Meredith...I can't believe you." Izzie said, shaking her head as she started her car. "Seriously you have a brain, and I know full well you can use it."

"Izzie, I have no idea what's going on here."

"Are you in denial?" Izzie asked. She tried to calm herself, maybe she really was jumping to conclusions.

"How much did you have to drink last night?" Izzie asked, taking a deep breath.

"One beer." Meredith shrugged.

"Thats it! Oh my God." Izzie exclaimed.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Oh my God."

"Izzie, WHAT!"

"Oh my God."

"There is no more oh my goding, I'm taking god, and I'm throwing him out the window, so look, no more ohmygoding. okay?"

"I really REALLY hope I'm just being insane right now."

"Do I have to answer that?"

"Mer, let's be serious here."

"I'm totally serious, I don't get why you're freaking out."

"I'm freaking out...okay we're not going to beat around the bush here anymore."

"Turn your blinker on." Meredith stated, pointing to her side of the car are Izzie changed lanes.

"Oh they can blink my ass." Izzie growled. "Meredith, are you pregnant?

"What! Wait...What!" Meredith nearly choked on her words

"This is in all seriousness. You've been strange lately and now you're pukey. You're a doctor Meredith, c'mon work with me here."

"You're serious?" Meredith asked.

Izzie turned to look at her. "Do I look serious?"

Meredith sighed.

"Denial, you're in denial, aren't you."

Meredith didn't say anything back until they pulled into the hospital parking lot. At that point, she lost it.

"Alright, you want to know? Yes, I think I'm pregnant. I very much so think that I'm pregnant and now I really have to make my choice and I know that I have to hurt Finn and hes going to know I'm pregnant and he's going to hate me. I don't want to be hated, but I made a really big mistake and now I'm being punished. I can't tell Derek because...I just can't and if Addison finds out, she'll kill me. I missed my period and I was in denial because this cannot be happening to me. I can't be pregnant, its not that easy, is it? I can't be a Mom I can hardly take care of myself and..." She drove her head into the dashboard and started to sob.

Izzie sighed. "Well, we need to know, for sure."

Meredith raised her head and nodded.

"I won't tell anyone." Izzie said.

"Oh please, don't. I'll never speak to you again if you even hint at it...to ANYONE."

"So, I have to talk to Addison, Alex is already here and he's talking to her, then I have to talk to the chief. At some point, I'm going to page you, you need to TRY and get away, if not, I'll keep doing so when everything's clear on my end until you can get up there. Then we'll do a test."

Meredith nodded and wiped her eyes.

Izzie gave her a hug, and at that moment, Alex tapped on the passenger side window.

"Can we skip the chick flick reenactment?" He groaned as Meredith opened her door into him.

"I was just wishing her luck." Meredith stated.

"Right so...Dr. Shepard's all giddy over you being her Gyno-Buddy. You guys can frolic and talk about vagina all day." Alex said with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh trust me, I'll make sure I save all the good juicy stories for you." Izzie smirked.

---------------------------------------------------

"Stevens!" Addison called out with a warm smile. Izzie gulped as she saw her standing with Dr. Webber.

"Hi." Izzie said softly, Alex & Meredith right behind her.

"Karev? I have a patient, Laurie Brikker in room B8, she's pre-eclampsyic, early labor. Last I checked she was dilated 4 cm can you do another quick check then report back to me how dilated she is?"

"Yay, Fantastic." Alex said sarcastically, throwing his arms up in the air with mocked excitement.

"How are you?" Addison asked.

"I'm...I'm okay." Izzie nodded. She looked back at Meredith who was trying to slip away to the elevator. She mouthed, I will page you, then looked back at Addison as Meredith zoomed off.

-----------------------------------------------------

Just Breathe. Meredith tells herself as Derek approaches. She tries to get her mind on other things. She wondered how Izzie was doing, they'd been their a few hours and she hadn't received a page yet. Addison was probably hounding her.

"We need to talk." Derek said as he stood before her.

He had to say something. HE HAD to say something! Meredith mind is racing.

"Oh...Okay."

She felt a vibration at her side and then peered down at her pager. it was Izzie.

Thank You, Izzie. Meredith thought.

"I...I'm sorry Derek. I just got paged...I uh...we'll talk later." Meredith nodded before running off.

"Its always later..." Derek said to himself, folding his arms across his chest with a sigh.

---------------------------------------------

"Psst." Izzie was waving her arms wildly to get Meredith's attention.

Meredith ran over and Izzie grabbed her and dragged her into an empty patient room.

"Addison went to eat, its semi-slow up here, so we've got some time, Alex is distracted and you need to pee, it would be way too suspicious to do a blood test."

"I don't have to pee, though."

"You know what? Make yourself Pee." Izzie pushed her towards the small bathroom connected to the room. "NOW." She handed her a small cup.

Meredith sighed and slipped into the bathroom, just as Bailey slipped into the room.

"I know I just saw Meredith Grey come in here."

"Ohmygod...Doctor Bailey...what are you doing here?" Izzie exclaimed, throwing her hands behind her to hide the testing kit.

"I just happened to watch my intern run off and decided to follow."

"Oh, I haven't seen Meredith." Izzie said, with a phony smile.

"Izzie, I can't." Meredith said as she slipped out of the bathroom, jumping at the sight of Bailey.

"Stevens, you must be blind. Can't what, Grey?" Bailey asked, eyeing the plastic container in Meredith's hand.

"...seem to find that uhm..."

"Nice try, Grey." Bailey said, folding her arms and giving both girls a look.

"No one of you tells me what's going on, or I'll get Addison to help me find out."

Izzie glanced back at Meredith who looked pale as a ghost.

"Stevens, what's behind your back?"

"My hands." Izzie answered.

"And what's in those hands?" Bailey asked.

"Girl, I will tackle your ass. WHAT is in your hands?" Bailey yelled.

Izzie jumped and was about to speak, thinking of whatever excuse she could, before Meredith cut her off, "A pregnancy test."

Bailey's mouth dropped. "I could yell about you two stealing hospital supplies, but I'm gonna try and not yell for a second." Bailey took a deep breath. "I'm assuming, Grey, you're the one about to take it since you were in the bathroom."

Meredith nodded. "Then get your ass back in there and pee in the damn cup."

Meredith eyed Bailey strangely.

"NOW." Bailey growled.

Meredith bolted into the bathroom.

"Stevens, first day back and you're already causing trouble." Bailey shook her head. Bailey sighed, "How far along does she think she is?"

Izzie answered before even really having to think about it. She slept with Derek the same day Denny died, and Izzie always knew exactly how many days ago it was. "Five weeks, Three Days." Izzie blurted.

Bailey raised an eyebrow at Izzie.

"The...the day of the prom." Izzie said quietly.

Bailey just shook her head.

Meredith slipped out of the bathroom and handed the container to Izzie, we set it & the test itself on the counter, a dropper in her left hand. Bailey watched her fill the dropper and let the drops hit a circle in the test as Meredith stared at the test, nervous.

"Let me guess, no blood test because it would leave a trail."

"Yeah." Izzie said, a little embarrassed.

Meredith kept trying to look away from the test, but the intense desire to know grabbed her and forced her to stare.

"Meredith..." Izzie trailed off. "...you're pregnant."


	8. Chapter 8: Sober and unkissed

NOTES: Thanks again to everyone for helping me make this my most successful fic ever ;) You guys seriously (seriously!) kick major ass. At first I didn't know if people would like the turn of events in this fic but lol, people have far too much (unprotected! at least most of the time) not to have babies, lol. Plus it adds for good drama.

I'm not revealing which direction romantically this fic will take, cuz in all honesty its not gonna be all happy lala get married, either path Meredith chooses wont be easy. You guys gotta suffer through it lol.

I have fun writing Izzie's letters too. I think that's my favorite thing to write.

Oh and you guys rejoice that I'm sick and thats why I'm updating so soon again. I've had way too much free time and then when I'm back to the chaos I get sick so what, of course do I do? Work on this fic LOL.

-------------------------

Dear Denny-

I'm shaking as I write this. Meredith is pregnant. She's pregnant with Mcdreamy's McBaby and they're both McScrewed! No one knows aside from her, Dr. Bailey and I. And its definitely weird having Bailey in on this. We didn't even have to say whose baby it was, she just KNEW. She asked "its his, isn't it?" and I about hit the roof. She went into this long thing about how if her and Derek's jobs weren't at stake before they are now, especially since Addison is in the picture. I mean, Meredith obviously wasn't thinking when she did the deed, neither of them were, because hello maybe then she wouldn't be pregnant. I'm still in shock, and right now I have to act like nothing is going on. Meredith keeps locking herself in her room, crying her eyes out. She found out yesterday and I don't know how either of us made it through work, but we did. I was relieved Bailey didn't kick her out of the program right there on the spot.

Meredith doesn't know what to do. She's debating even keeping the baby. Its so hard on her and she's about to crack. We can't keep it a secret for long, so whatever decision she makes, I have to support right?

I had a dream about you last night. I was at the hospital, working and you walked up like you were never gone, gave me some flowers and simply said, "Everything's going to be alright." Are you telling me something from the beyond?

I can't help but feel some special bond with Mer's baby. That baby was conceived the same day you died. And the more I think about it the more I am overwhelmed. Is it really that often that babies are conceived in hospitals? I don't think so. So, its strange to me. I want her to keep this baby but the reality of it is too much, there's too much against her.

I REALLY hate the dog. No one remembered that no one would be here today, except George at the LAST MINUTE. He put down papers and left food and water but gee, I wasn't surprised to come home to dog nasties everywhere in my room. ONLY MY ROOM.

I'm getting a baby gate and keeping the damn thing out of her. Plus it'll come in handy for Meredith, right? Okay that was kinda low, I'll admit.

I love you & miss you-

Izzie

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I heard your two surgeries today went smoothly." Addison stated.

Is this what we've come to? Forced conversation? Just leave, Addison. Get up and go. There's nothing left.

She often wondered what she was still there clinging onto, some faint hope that he chose her once, he would choose her again. Though he may have physically picked her, stayed with her and made an attempt to salvage their relationship. It was ever apparent that his heart chose her.

"Yeah, both patients are stable. Recovery looks promising." He said, forcing a smile as he looked up from his paper.

Derek, you're kidding yourself. You're talking to your wife like she's merely a colleague! Derek thought, trying to keep the smile on his face.

The only reason they remained to close was because they physically couldn't get any farther away in the cramped trailer.

Why are you doing this to her? To yourself? To Meredith?

"I think I'm going to take a little walk." Addison stated, slipping on a pair of sneakers and pulling her hair up into a ponytail. "Just need some fresh air."

Derek nodded, barely looking up from his paper.

Addison sighed as she left the trailer, he didn't even notice when she grabbed her cell phone.

She walked for a few minutes then stared down at the names & numbers in her phonebook on her phone. She felt nervous when she stared at the name she highlighted.

Mark.

---------------------------------------

"I guess you can't sleep either." Meredith said with a small smile as Izzie walked into the living room, sitting next to her on the couch.

"Watching infomercials?" Izzie asked. Meredith nodded.

"Finn and I talked on the phone today. I felt like a dirty little skank the entire time. He basically wanted to know how Mr. Snuggles was adjusting but I could tell he wanted to know more about what's going on with me then the dog. Then I felt sick, and had to throw up. So I told him I needed to go and he sounded so...sad, like I ran over his kitten." Meredith sighed. "I'm right up there with kitten runnerovers on the bad list. Actually I'm much higher then kitten runnerovers."

"Its better then you hiding all day from Derek. I think Bailey was going to out a lock on every women's bathroom just to keep you out of them."

"I need to tell Christina." Meredith sighed, "She'll be so pissed when she finds out I told you first." She thought for a moment then realized, she would have to tell George too "And George and I are finally getting along again, I better tell him." Meredith gave a determined nod. "Yes, I'll tell George next time I see him."

"Tell me what?" George yawned, Mr. Snuggles asleep in his arms as he entered the living room.

"Oh...Hi George." Izzie called out, "Can't sleep either?"

"Mr Snuggles peed on Callie's clothes so she kicked us out of the room. She kicked me out of my own room..." George huffed.

"Seriously Meredith, what is with your psychotic animals?"

"Mr. Snuggles isn't psychotic." George growled. "She's just a baby, she doesn't know better."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Seriously, both of you are delusional." Izzie quietly muttered.

"Stop. Rewind. What were you "I'll tell George"-ing?" He asked, setting Mr Snuggles down, causing the small puppy to wake up and sniff around stopping and smelling Izzie's feet. She gave an annoyed look and brought her legs up on the couch to sit Indian style, glaring down at the fuzzy puppy.

"Oh uhm..."

"Meredith's pregnant." Izzie finished for her.

George started laughing hysterically.

He stopped when he realized Izzie and Meredith weren't laughing as well.

"And you're not laughing...why?"

He studied their faces for a moment before it hit him.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"McBaby?" Was all he could squeeze out.

"McBaby." Izzie nodded.

"Really?" He asked.

"Really." Izzie replied.

"Broken record much?" Meredith groaned.

George couldn't help but feel a little hurt. Just when he was beginning to open back up to Meredith, she dropped a bomb on him. He felt like his heart was going to explode at any moment, but it wasn't fair to Callie.

At this point Alex emerged from the kitchen, a grin on his face.

"Wow." Was all he could say.

Meredith and Izzie shot him their eyes of death while Alex just smirked and shook his head.

"This is fantastic." Alex gleefully said. "I'm going to follow you around all the time now, ha, wait 'til the Gyno-Beast finds out."

"Alex!" Izzie growled. "You cannot say anything. NOTHING. Nothing at all. I swear if you so much as say one thing I will cut off your balls and feed them to Mr Snuggles."

Izzie's tone erased Ale'x smirk. "Hey, somebody's got to tell her."

"Somebody other then you." Meredith sulked.

----------------------------------

Christina laid her head on Preston's bare chest, her arms wrapping around his torso.

"Thank you for staying awake." Preston chuckled. Cristina didn't exactly laugh herself, but she felt pleased that he could laugh about the past situation.

"I couldn't have fallen asleep if I wanted to." She smirked.

They sat in the silence for a moment, just enjoying eachother, enjoying the moment.

Finally Cristina spoke up, "Miss the hospital yet?"

"Is that all you think about?" He asked with a warm smile. "And no, not yet. I'm enjoying my brief time off though I wish the circumstances were different."

"I can't wait to have you back." Cristina sighed.

Preston shook his head with a gentle chuckle. "You've got me here, don't you? Why Cristina Yang, you going soft on me?"

"Don't remind me." Cristina laughed.


	9. Chapter 9: Wreck of the day

"It was fantastic. I love make-up sex. Given we made up a while ago, we're still in the make up sex phase, and its still amazing. This why I'm in a FANTASTIC mood." Cristina beamed. She eyed Meredith, who was barely paying attention.

"Earth to Meredith!" Cristina said. "Did you hear a single thing I've said the last 10 minutes."

"Great Sex?" Meredith shrugged.

"There was more to it then just that. You're distracted."

"I'm always distracted." Meredith sighed.

"Hello ladies." George said with a smile as he sat down next to Meredith.

"Great sex?" Cristina asked.

George nodded.

"Can we stop talking about sex?" Meredith groaned.

"Are you knitting again?" Cristina asked.

"No! I'm not knitting, I'm pregnant Cristina."

"You know, maybe you should knit again, well, if things aren't working between you and Finn at least, forget about McDreamy..." George and Meredith watched Cristina go on and on in her little rant, waiting for Meredith's words to hit her. "You are WHAT?" Cristina yelped.

"Cristina, lower your voice." Meredith quietly said.

"How...wha...Uggggg." Cristina shook her head. "Its not George's is it?"

"WHAT!" George said after spitting out his drink all over his tray.

Meredith and George looked at eachother for a second then in unison back at Cristina. "No!"

"Oh...oh no, McBaby."

"I take it you told her." Izzie said, sitting down with a coffee.

"Wait, you guys knew?" Cristina asked, looking at George and Izzie. "How come they knew first?"

"Because I heard her puking and MADE her take the test." Izzie said, "Oh, Bailey and Alex know too..."

"And Callie." George quietly muttered.

"GEORGE!" Meredith whined.

"Sorry." He sheepishly said.

"Everyone knew BUT me?"

"At least you found out before the Shepards." Izzie shrugged.

"If Bailey knows why are you still alive?" Cristina asked.

The three other interns shrugged.

"Seriously. Meredith...You can't do this. This is like, career murder. I understand things happen but this is a big no no. You cannot possibly have this baby, because if you do, you're going to be physically dead, Addison will kill you." Cristina eyed Meredith for a moment then continued. "Rational thought, Meredith, RATIONAL THOUGHT. Do NOT have this baby because you think it'll give you some sliver of Derek, because it wont. Think about your career, and your life...and think about Finn, and that fuzzy rat dog thing you have now."

Meredith couldn't say anything. Her emotions were already out of whack. Izzie gently touched her shoulder as tears welled in Meredith's eyes.

"You know, this baby was conceived at the same place, near the same time that Denny died..." Izzie trailed off.

"Izzie, don't say anything else because you're just being selfish too." Cristina declared.

"You're a heartless bitch." Izzie growled.

George quieted them both when he saw Addison Shepard coming their way.

Meredith's head hit the table. She wanted to shrink just as small as she felt at the moment. This was as close to hiding as she could get at the moment.

"Stevens?" Addison asked.

"Oh, HI Dr. Montgomery Shepard!" Izzie nearly choked on her words, but forced an incredibly fake smile.

Addison couldn't help but look over in Meredith direction before saying, "I'm scheduled to do a cesarean in 15 minutes, multiple babies and I want you to scrub in."

"Oh, alright!" Izzie declared, excusing herself from the table, following Addison.

"You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, do you?" Cristina asked. Meredith didn't even bother to look up.

-----------------------------------

"Hey Derek."

Cristina turned when she heard his voice, Preston's voice. She stopped herself from running and jumping on him in sheer excitement. She watched him greet Derek and then walk to her with a smile.

"Dr. Yang." He smiled.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Maybe you were right, maybe I did, in fact, miss the place. Dr. Shepard here is having me scrub in and attend some of his surgeries, help me get back in the swing of things."

"Yang, you want to scrub in?" Derek asked.

Cristina didn't even have to answer, her face gave a clear enough answer to him.

As Cristina walked to the OR she couldn't stop thinking about Meredith. No distractions. She thought to herself. No Distractions.

-------------------------------------------

"They pissed I know?' Callie asked.

"I think Cristina was a bit hurt but more so that Bailey knew before she did."

Callie nodded. "I knew they slept together." She said. "Before...before any of you said anything. I went to find Meredith for Izzie and I caught them in some room, adjusting their clothes...like it wasn't obvious? I just didn't think it was my place to tell anyone...I don't know why I'm even telling you, not that its important now."

"I have to thank you." George said.

"Why?" Callie asked, looking over some X-rays.

"For trying so hard. I mean, Meredith, Izzie, they've really become accepting of you."

"Its not easy." Callie laughed. "But I can't help but feel sorry for her."

"Yeah..." George sighed. "I'm still trying to picture Dr. Shepards reaction in my head...especially Dr Montgomery Shepard's..."

"My reaction to what?" Derek asked, he couldn't help but overhear as he walked by the open room with Preston.

Callie and George both eyed each other. "Uhm...Meredith broke up with Finn!" George declared. He wanted to smack himself.

"And why would that concern my wife?" Derek asked.

"I...I don't know. You know I better go make my rounds..." George said, nervously, zooming out of the room.

"Something's going on, isn't it?" Derek couldn't help but ask Callie.

"You're asking the wrong person." Callie stated.

-------------------------------------------

Dr Denny -

Today was...an emotional day. Full of close calls. We made a pact not to talk about Meredith's "issue" at the hospital anymore. There's too many ears around, as Derek overheard his name in a conversation between George and Callie and Addison kept walking in on Alex and I talking. Some patient is now in on it too. Fantastic, me and my big mouth. This woman knows the whole story and I hope she doesn't let it slip when she gets drugged up for labor tomorrow, wouldn't that be great? Gee, a patient of mine just told me you knocked up an intern, I want a divorce!

This whole situation is like some big flashback for me. I keep thinking about when I was pregnant, alone & scared. I mean, I was only 16 but It wasn't like I didn't want Hannah I just knew circumstance wouldn't allow me to keep her. I feel Meredith, and I know Cristina does too, as much as she doesn't want to admit it.

Bailey mentioned something to Meredith that if she didn't go tell the Chief right away, she would make her. I think Meredith's STILL in denial, she won't even realize what's really going on until she's in labor, watch. Then she'll freak out and be like OMIGOD I'M HAVING MCDREAMYS BABY!

The damn dog follows me everywhere. George says she likes me, well, I have news for Mr Snuggles, I don't like her back. I'll admit, she's been doing a little bit better but still, she needs to learn to not pee in my room.

I have a feeling we're getting a new room mate, in Meredith's time of distress, George keeps bringing up Callie and how she's always here and how it would be neat to have her live there.

Meredith's just going to say Yes because she can't even be bothered with thinking straight right now.

As always, I wish you were here,

Izzie.


	10. Chapter 10: Naked in front of the crowd

"C'Mon, Grey." Bailey ordered, motioning for Meredith to follow. Bailey was nice enough to give her two weeks to tell the Chief, otherwise she would make her.

Meredith's stomach churned as she followed Bailey into his office.

"Meredith Grey needs to talk to you." Bailey said, as she and Meredith sat on the opposite side of his desk.

Richard set his paperwork on his desk and stared at Meredith. He couldn't help but see Ellis in her eyes.

Bailey cleared her throat, urging Meredith to speak.

Richard could tell by the pained look in Meredith's eyes that something wasn't right.

"What's going on?" He said, eyeing the terrified woman sitting in front of him.

"I'm...I'm pregnant." Meredith managed to slip out.

Richard gave a sigh. It was almost as if she were his child, sitting before him and letting their secret slip. He could tell by the look in her eyes that no one was celebrating her pregnancy.

"How far along are you?" He calmly asked.

"Almost 8 weeks." Meredith replied, quietly.

"Grey...tell him everything." Bailey said.

Meredith sighed. "Can I tell him alone?"

Bailey nodded and left the room.

Richard watched Meredith's nervous behavior, waiting for her to speak up.

"I've been thinking of what exactly to say to you...for days. And I really sat and thought about it, and you'd be the one to understand me most of all. Or maybe, you'll understand him better. Minus the being pregnant part. And I keep thinking back at what I said to you before...but this isn't about cutting wires...this is my..." She held back her tears and sighed, "I'm pregnant with Derek Shepards baby. And its HELL already and he doesn't even know. I'm so close to loosing my mind and I'm so lost and I'm probably fired right? I'm fired aren't I? Because if I am, just cut me off at any moment because I'm not going to stop anytime soon. He chose his wife, right? Then why did he sleep with ME? Why am I pregnant? Is this some kinda of sick punishment? I can't take this I..." Meredith burst into tears and Richard had no idea how to respond.

"He doesn't know?" Richard asked. He didn't know what else to say.

Meredith shook her head as she sobbed.

"So I take it his wife doesn't know either?"

Richard took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

He stopped and imagined that this were he and Ellis's situation, that it was Ellis sobbing, shaking and questioning it all.

She was only eight weeks pregnant, the easiest answer anyone could give her, was to NOT have this baby. But it was never that easy, and Derek needed to know.

"Tell Derek." Richard quietly said. Before Meredith could speak up, he added, "I could kick you out of the program, and I should. But right now, I'm not. Obviously this could have many different directions and we will see where this heads."

He saw Ellis in her eyes again, and it fell heavy on his heart.

------------------------------------

George watched Meredith zoom by in the direction of the lockers, tempted to run after her.

"Oh no, she's done, kicked out, going home..." Cristina started, walking up to George. "Yesterday's news."

George shook his head, "We don't know that yet." He started off in Meredith's direction but he heard Bailey, which caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

"Ah, Ah, Ah O'Malley."

"I was just going to go...go pee."

"Go Pee, My ASS. Do I look stupid to you?"

"Far from it." George stated.

"Alright then, wait...wait, what's that I hear? Could it be an ambulance? Injured people, perhaps needing surgery? Oh I think that is definitely an ambulance."

Before George could take the hint, Cristina had already run down the hallway.

"What, you waitin' for a written invitation? Get your ass down there!" Bailey yelled, George jumped and took off, hot on Cristina's trail.

Derek smiled as he walked past Bailey, who didn't even curl her lip at him.

"I could say a lot of things to you, and half of it would contain obscenities. But its not my place to. You NEED to get yourself together, because your little problem just got a little bigger. And don't you Uh, What? me. You'll know soon enough." Bailey said as she walked off after George and Cristina.

-----------------------------------------------

It was Alex who stumbled upon Meredith crying her eyes out in the locker room and it was Alex who ran to tell Izzie, taking over for her so that she could console her friend.

"Mer? You have to calm down. PLEASE. Its not good for the baby." Izzie said softly, pulling Meredith's hair back into a low ponytail.

"You look horrible. When's the last time you ate?"

"I can't eat!" Meredith sobbed. "I throw up everything, and even if I could I'd have no appetite! I don't even know how I'm keeping down water."

"Go Home, Grey." Bailey said as she walked towards the two women. "I talked it over with the Chief, go home, take a warm bath, relax. And don't tell anyone I was this nice to you. I just know it feel like hell to be pregnant, especially working here. I am not gonna make any excuses for you from now on though. Go home, and rest because you have a chance to show what this Internship means to you and you are DAMN lucky. You come back tomorrow and I don't care if you gotta tape your mouth shut so you don't puke on my patients. You come back tomorrow, no crying and you'll impress the Chief."

Meredith nodded as Izzie helped her up.

"Stevens, I would make this quick, you should know the wrath of the she-shepard by now."

Izzie nodded as Bailey left.

"I'll come straight home, alright? You go home and just relax. No phonecalls, NOTHING. If you call Finn, I will hurt you. I know we keep pressuring you to tell him, but no, not today. You go play corpse."

Meredith sighed. "I wish I was a corpse."

"No, you don't." Izzie stated, gathering Meredith's things for her and giving her a hug before she left.

Izzie watched her walked away and felt horrible. Meredith was losing her mind and the war hadn't even fully started yet.

-----------------------------------------

Dear Denny-

Meredith Grey still has her internship. HOW? I don't know. They can't let her go because she's pregnant, that's discrimination, but her case is definitely a little bigger then just being pregnant. You know, given Derek wasn't a jackass who picked his wife over Meredith this may have worked out a little better. I get it, he's honoring his vows, uhm...she cheated on you and you screwed over my friend. I mean, let's think really positive here, say he and Meredith end up together, I don't know that I can totally be nice to him at like, Thanksgiving thinking back on all this.

My life still doesn't feel the same without you here. I get to the hospital and the first thing I think is "I better go see Denny!" but then I have to catch myself when I realize you're not in that room...you're not there and I wont see that handsome smile when I walk in or hear any sexual innuendoes.

Alex and I are going to your grave the next free day we have. I'll make muffins and we'll play scrabble and...I'll just try to keep going on like this.

I better go though, Meredith needs me and I know I'll start bawling my eyes out if I just keep going.

I love you!

-Izzie

---------------------------------------

"I really, really wish I would have just kept on knitting." Meredith sighed, her head resting on one arm of the couch, as Izzie rested her head on the other arm.

"You can't knit forever, Meredith."

"Maybe I should have become a nun."

Izzie laughed out loud. "Yes, me too. We'd make fantastic nuns...you know if we weren't kicked out of nundom in the first week."

"I really don't like guys."

"I don't think guys like you that much either, Mer. I know I told you not to call Finn and tell him today...well, that just means you need to tell him tomorrow. I don't think he'll understand at all if you tell him with a four year old asking "are you my daddy?" while you're trying to tell him what happened."

"I think I'll become a lesbian." Meredith declared.

"Uh, then you'd have to hear another woman bitch all the time. That's what I'm for, and George is for..."

"Hey!" George called out from the floor, Mr. Snuggles asleep on his chest.

"...Minus the sex and relationship part. Well, at least on my half." Izzie continued.

George threw his pillow at Izzie.

"How much longer are you going to wait?" George asked Meredith.

"Until it feels right." She stated, "Which will not be anytime soon."

They all raised their eyebrows at the sound of someone at the front door.

Izzie looked at Meredith, who in turn, looked at George.

"Always me..." George sulked, not even bothering to stand, he crawled to get a good look at who was outside then he threw himself back and stood over Meredith and Izzie.

"Uh...is it past anytime soon?"

"Why?" Izzie asked.

"Finn's at the door." George answered.


	11. Chapter 11: Letting it Slip

NOTES: Thanks you to everyone who has read & reviewed, added me to favorites, ANYTHING. You've made this a very successful fic and I'm not even close to being done. I'm at 15,000 hits and you guys are the reason I update so much. Like I said before I'm open to suggestions, ideas, anything. LOL, I'm aware most of the suggestions are "please get Meredith and Derek together", STILL not gonna answer that one but it definitely wont be easy if they do try to work it out ;)

--------------------------------------

"What happened today?" Cristina asked Preston, obvious worry in her eyes.

Preston shook his head as he buried his face in his hands in frustration.

The incident flashed in both of their minds.

"I...I don't know." Preston muttered, trying to hold back his emotions.

"I thought you were fine, I thought there was no damage, I thought Derek was a miracle worker...why, why were you shaking? It didn't happen before!"

"Cristina...I DON'T know."

"You...you're fine though, right? Everything's fine?" Cristina sighed, sitting down next to him. "Don't say you don't know...you...you're Preston Burke...you...you're my idol! YOU KNOW."

"Cristina...I DON'T know."

"Then call someone who does...call someone who does and find out."

"Cristina..."

"No, you are not going to do this. You are not going to stop being THE Preston Burke, your hard is going to be fine and if its not, you fix it and you keep trying." She took his hand into hers and squeezed it tight. "I'm sure your vitamin intake is off or you were just nervous, how long has it been? Two months? You're fine, yes, I know it...you're fine."

He watched her breaking down in front of him. He watched her walls come tumbling down. Ever since he had been shot, ever since Izzie Stevens cut the L-Vat, she as she put it in her own words, "lost her edge".

------------------------------------------------

"Tell him I'm dead!" Meredith sighed.

"You tell him you're dead." George groaned.

"George that defeats the purpose." Izzie stated.

"I'm not getting in the middle of this." George said. "Meredith, I've kept as quiet as I could about everything but I'm telling you now, if you DON'T get up, walk to that door and tell him, you never will. And its all doing to get a lot worse, because there's not just you in this picture Meredith, there's...there's Derek and there's Finn...and there is a baby! You can't keep thinking that if you run and hide it's all gonna go away, because its not."

Meredith was shocked by George's upfront approach and stood up, nervously, and walked to the door.

Izzie gave George a pleased smirk and the tried to find the best place possible to listen to what was being said.

"Hello, Finn." Meredith said quietly as she opened the door.

"Meredith...I, I didn't want to bug you, or make you feel uncomfortable. But I NEED to know what is going on here. I understand your friend just lost someone she cared about, I understand you haven't felt well, but I don't understand why you've avoided me for the past two months. If you think avoiding me will make me go away, it won't only you telling me to go away will. I'll be here until you tell me I don't need to be, but until you can tell me what's going on, i will call and listen to your voicemail...hoping one day you'll actually pick up the phone and speak to me."

Meredith could have killed herself for being so stupid, at that moment she wanted nothing more then to run into the street and hope that a random astray bus would zoom by, but that would be her great escape and she knew she would have to suffer through telling him in the flesh that she wronged him.

"Finn...You...you're too good for me. I am a horrible person, you...you had plans! Good plans I bet, fantastic plans! And I ruined your plans because I'm hanging onto something I know I can't have. Why? Because I like it, I like being in pain and being mopey, I can't just let myself move on and be happy. I am pregnant. I am two months pregnant with the child of a man who chose his wife over me. And I chose to have sex with him at prom and I chose to run away and hide like a scared little girl...because honestly, that's all I am, a scared little girl."

Finn stared at her, trying to find the right words, trying to piece it all together in his head.

"A part of me wants to hate you right now. A part of me wants to scream and yell and pull out my hair and tell you...I hate you, Meredith Grey. But the sad part is, the part that's telling me to reach out and hold you is a lot stronger then that hatred."

He grabbed her and pulled her close, overwhelming her, but she let her guard down and held him, crying into his shoulder.

"I knew, all along I knew that he was more then just some guy to you... some coworker, some pet adoptee, some ex...you don't look at somebody like that if they're just somebody...I knew he was somebody special, I saw it in your eyes. And I don't know what I was, some rebound or some sliver of hope to get away from that look in your eyes, but as much as I try to hate you...I can't. And I'm just a phonecall away, and I'm here, should you need me. I...I guess I need new plans then, don't I?"

Finn wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her cheek gently, even though he was crushed inside and he could feel the pieces of his heart that he glued back together after he lost his wife, all fall apart again. "I think you are amazing, and I think you will make a wonderful mother."

"Finn..." Meredith started as he walked out of the door.

"You don't need to say anything else, Meredith. Goodbye...for now."

Meredith wasn't the only one watching him walk away. Derek closed his car door and quietly watched Finn get in his own car and drive off, not even paying attention to Derek, parked across the street.

Meredith caught a glimpse of Derek for a moment, and quickly acted like she didn't see him and shut the door.

"Mer?" Izzie called out, softly, walking towards her friend.

"Derek...Derek is outside, he's coming up here." Meredith said through her tears.

"George, take Meredith upstairs, wash her face off...calm her down."

George nodded and started Meredith off towards the stairs, Meredith stopping him and turning to Izzie.

"I...I should talk to him." Meredith said.

"No, no...not right now. This is too much for you...not right now."

Meredith's sobs were loud enough to wake Callie who came down and helped George with Meredith.

Izzie opened the door just as Derek stood before it.

"I need to talk to Meredith." Derek said.

"You NEED to? What about...I want to talk to Meredith? What about, I'm a scumbag, let me prove I'm not a scumbag..."

"Izzie..." George started as he ran back down the stairs, leaving Meredith with Callie in the upstairs bathroom. He pushed Izzie away from the door and stared at Derek.

"Meredith is...Meredith is busy, she'll be busy for a while..."

"Stay away from her!" Izzie called out.

George glared at Izzie, then turned back to Derek, "How about you let her come to you?"

"I've been waiting for two months for her to come to me. All I get his, excuses, I get avoided... And unless she's forced to do a surgery with me, I don't see her."

"Cause and Effect!" Izzie yelled out.

"She's got a lot on her mind, seriously." George said calmly, "We'll tell her you dropped by." He closed the door leaving Derek to stand alone in the cold night air, confusion fogging his mind.

---------------------------------------------------

Finn sat a cold cup of tea in his hands. His emotions froze him and he had barely moved since he made that cup of tea, letting the warm ceramic burn at his hands.

He felt like he was in a daze. Some junkie who was coming down, forced to face reality and there was nothing to give him that high again. He wondered if he honestly deserved it. He was opening up to her, letting her in, and she brought down his walls with a vengeance and then turned around and ran away.

As much as he tried to hate her, he couldn't. She needed him and she didn't know it yet, she needed an unbiased voice to call out and help her, to guide her as she fell.

He stared, his face blank, at the phone to his left.

He didn't expect her to call, he could only hope.

------------------------------------------------------------

Izzie, George, Meredith and Callie all laid sideways in Meredith's bed, Izzie laying the opposite way and four pairs of legs dangling from the edge.

"Maybe I will sell my baby on eBay." Meredith jokingly said.

"I bet you could get a lot because that baby will SO have great hair." Izzie chimed in.

"What happens now?" George asked.

Callie sat up a little and looked at Meredith who was laying to George's right.

"I know...I'm still not best friends forever status here, but I do in fact consider you a friend, Meredith. And as a friend, I'm telling you, you've got to tell him. And I know everyone keeps saying the same things over and over again, but you're only hurting yourself and your baby by not saying anything at all. I'm not saying tell him tomorrow, but I am saying it would be much better that he finds out from you and not from something whispered in the hallways of Seattle Grace." Callie said.

"I just don't know what to say." Meredith replied.

"Not to sound all after school special or anything...but speak from your heart." Callie replied.

They all laid there for a moment, lost in their thoughts.

"Hey Callie?" Meredith called out.

"Hmm?"

"If you and George ever got married, you'd be Callie O'Malley." Meredith laughed, and everyone else couldn't help but chuckle along.


	12. Chapter 12: Broken Hearted Happiness

NOTES: I Have no life and justw rite and write, then divide it all into sections so I've actually got quite a bit written on this, but no I STILL won't tell you if Derek ends up with Meredith ;)

----------------------------------------

Dear Denny-

I've been horrible about writing you on an almost daily basis, but Addison...I'm surprised I even get breaks being her intern. I'm glad she's constantly running off or going and talking on her cell phone because I have a constant like, NEED to check on Meredith. Plus I don't want to miss when she tells McDreamy the "good" news.

She really does want to have this baby, despite a handful of people putting it in her head not to. I got her some prenatal vitamins, and I look out for her. She's already almost 3 months pregnant! She STILL hasn't told Derek, and now he's basically avoiding her too. They only talk when they have to do surgeries together and Bailey is always keeping an eye out in case there's some major fight about to break out. Cristina is CONSTANTLY bugging Meredith. I just try not to bring it up because Meredith seems to get more done if she's not bugged about it. She's doing okay health wise though, she's not constantly in the bathroom which has kept Bailey at bay. Her morning sickness has calmed down a lot too. She's far enough along that I could do an ultrasound and I KNOW she wants to but its a waste of time to go to another doctor. She can't exactly see Addison so tomorrow Addison has some big meeting for the first part of the day so I'm going to run her up for a pre natal exam. Maybe when she actually SEES that she is pregnant she'll tell Derek. She has the CUTEST little tiny tummy, she has to be so careful what she wears too because Meredith with a tummy is just so out of the ordinary. It is SO cute though! I can't get over it.

I've been thinking a lot about how things would be if you were still here. I probably wouldn't live at the house anymore so I wouldn't have those late nights watching infomercials with Mer, but...I'd have you. I can't stop thinking about her baby was conceived when you died...Its like...I can't help but feel that something special for her baby.

Enough baby talk, right? I swear that's ALL I talk about anymore.

I can't help but notice Alex's behavior lately. He's been...so mellow, and he's still snarky asshole Alex but its just...he's always there for me. He takes me whenever he can to go to your grave, he's always at Meredith's and he sleeps on the couch just so he knows I'm okay. I'll admit, there's some days when I get home I just lay in bed and cry. The hospital isn't the same because you aren't there to tell me how nice my rack looks in that one pink top...

I Love You sooooo much,

Izzie

---------------------------------------

"You CAN'T have this baby." Cristina said shaking her head. "You already accepting it, you're sitting her joking about baby names, Meredith. I am here and as your friend will have to support whatever decision you make but in all honesty, think about it before you don't have anymore time."

"Yang, leave her alone." Alex groaned. Watching Cristina pick at her salad.

Izzie was always impressed by Alex, who recently had become rather defensive of Meredith. "She screwed up, she knows it, stop reminding her and rubbing it in."

Cristina was about to speak but Alex cut her off, "If you're going to call me a weak pussy again don't even bother."

"If I've been so lucky with the way everyone else has treated me...that could only mean that Derek and Addison will flip out, right?" Meredith asked, resting her chin in her hand.

"You will only know if you tell Derek." Izzie sighed. "Isn't there something else we can talk about? Because as much as I love being the supportive, doting friend, this will be all I think about all day and I'll end up going off in some tyrant in front of Addison and she'll kill me out of rage."

"I've taught Mr. Snuggles to go potty outside." George beamed.

"You are such a homo." Alex said, with a roll of his eyes.

"Addison will be back in an hour or so Mer, come with me...like, right now and I'll do an ultrasound for you."

"You're pushing it, Izzie." Alex stated.

"Look, if we go now, Bailey won't notice she's gone and I can do it quickly."

"And if Addison comes back?"

"You'll distract her. Its not like she'll come looking in every room for me." Izzie stated. Alex sighed.

"Alright, let's go."

-----------------------------------------------

"Alex, go outside!" Izzie growled. "Seriously! The nurses will blab that we're both in here with Meredith and you know Nancy has some serious jealousy issues so she'll make up some story that we're having a threesome or something. I know your reputation wouldn't suffer in that case but mine would now GO."

"Fine." Alex shot back, walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him. Izzie had already closed all the blinds and Meredith stared out the window, watching a tree below sway in the wind as a gentle rain fell.

"Okay, this is going to be cold." Izzie said, lifting Meredith's undershirt and scrubs and pushing her banks low on her hips, then applying some gel to her lower abdomen.

Izzie watched the screen for a moment before giving a huge smile.

"Ohmygod, Mer, Look!"

Meredith almost didn't want to look, she didn't want to face up to the reality, but looking at the fuzzy image on the screen, she was filled with a rush of emotion. She saw her baby, her and DEREK's baby, and she loved it.

"See look, there's the heart!" Izzie said with excitement. "And the head, and that's the back...Oh...oh wow."

Meredith couldn't smile, "It looks like a little alien." She said softly.

"A really cute alien." Izzie corrected.

Meredith gave a little laugh then her hormones added to an already emotional situation and she started to cry.

"Oh Mer..." Izzie sweetly said as she printed a couple images of the baby for Meredith.

"I really have to tell him now, don't I?"

Izzie nodded.

Meredith looked back at the screen, watching the babies tiny heart flutter. There was no way she couldn't have this baby, in those few moments she had already fallen head over heels for the baby on the screen.

-------------------------------------------

"Awwwww, Fuck." A dark hair, green eyed woman called out, her purse and cell phone sliding across the white linoleum.

Alex tried not to laugh at the young woman who tripped in front of him.

The woman looked back up at him with angry eyes.

"Do you work here?" She asked, wincing as she touched her ankle.

"No, I just dress like a doctor to pick up chicks." Alex said with a smirk. He leaned in front of her and looked over her ankle.

"Maybe if you didn't wear 4 inch heels you'd actually be able to walk." He stated.

"Its the price you pay for looking fantastic."

Alex looked her up and down and with a debonair smile and said, "I won't argue."

She eyed his badge, memorizing his name, "So, Dr. Karev, what's your diagnosis?"

"Well-"

"Jennifer."

"Well, Jennifer. Stop wearing these shoes."

"That's your diagnosis? They pay you to be a smart ass?"

Alex grinned. "Well, since you're not screaming, I think you may have just twisted it."

"It hurts like a bitch but you're an awfully good distraction from the pain."

"Here, I'll take you downstairs so they can get a good look at it." Alex said, helping the girl up and letting her use him as a crutch, guiding her to the elevator.

Just as Alex and Jennifer started down the elevator, Addison exited the other one, folder in one hand.

"Where are my interns?" Addison asked at the nurses station.

"I just saw Karev head into the elevator." One nurse said, "Some girl just slipped and he was helping her."

Addison nodded, "And Stevens?"

"I saw her slip into one of the exam rooms with her one friend uh...Meredith Grey?" The nurse Izzie couldn't stand, Nancy, spoke up.

Addison rolled her eyes. "This isn't high school, they can't just sit around and gossip all day. Which exam room?"

"Three, I believe." Nancy answered.

Addison made her way to the room, opening the door slowly.

"Alex, seriously. Stay out! You're on watch!" Izzie said, without turning around, but Meredith's face went pale and she turned to see Addison standing in the door way, a look of shock on her face as well.


	13. Chapter 13: Come Clean

NOTES: I wanted to use a song in this chapter, like all good Grey's moments. The song in this chapter is Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks. Enjoy!

Addison couldn't find the words to speak. There was a lump in her throat as she stared at Izzie and Meredith. Both stood before her, pale as ghosts, their eyes wide with fear. It was as if they were frozen in time, no one spoke or moved, and Addison's eyes quickly turned to look at Meredith's ultrasound.

Meredith Grey was pregnant, and the look in her eyes told Addison there was much more to the story then that.

"Stevens, I have patients who desperately need to be seen, at this point their trauma is far more important."

Izzie, still frozen, just stared at Addison. "That means leave the room, Stevens." Addison growled.

Izzie handed Meredith the pictures in her hand, and zoomed out of the door. Meredith felt like her entire life was about to flash before her, and she crossed her fingers it wouldn't, she couldn't bare to be reminded of everytime she had screwed up.

"How far along are you?" Addison quietly asked, as Meredith wiped the gel from her stomach and sat up.

"Twe...Twelve Weeks." Meredith nervously replied.

Addison nodded, and with a sigh she asked, "Derek is the father, isn't he?"

Meredith nearly jumped as his names fell from Addison's lips.

"Addison, I..."

"Meredith, just tell me, is Derek the father?" Addison tried to control the anger building up inside her, as the tiny ember that she had left or hope was slowly fading as she looked into Meredith Grey's eyes.

Meredith's eyes lowered to the floor and meekly she replied, "Yes."

"So, you lied to me then?" Addison asked, trying to keep her composure.

"No!" Meredith cried out.

"You told me you weren't sleeping together." Addison stated.

"When I told you that...we hadn't been. It was the night of the prom."

Addison shook her head. She knew it, she knew all along that something went on that night.

"How long have you know you were pregnant?"

"Since I was 5 weeks." Meredith answered.

Addison threw her arms up, as if she were surrendering.

"I...I know he loves you. I know I've lost him and I know there is no getting him back. I could yell, and scream and hate you all I want, but nothing will change the face that he loves you. I've sat and I've thought, and I've tried to mend what's broken between Derek and I. And the last few months we've slipped farther and farther away. I get it, I'm a horrible evil slut, who slept with his best friend and THIS is my punishment, I'm assuming. Watch him fall head over heels for you and look into his eyes and SEE it. I don't hate you because he loves you, I hate you for lying, for conceiving your child when I'm still married to him. I hate you for knowing and not having the nerve to tell him. You are selfish, Meredith Grey. This isn't just about you, the moment that baby was conceived, it stopped being just about you. I give up, I cannot play this game any longer, I can't sit from the sidelines and wonder where it going to lead any longer. Its obvious what he wants and he can have it." Addison turned and left, trying everything in her power to control the pain that was beginning to consume her.

She wanted nothing more then to lock herself away somewhere for a moment, somewhere where she could loose it all and slowly pick up the pieces again. She slipped into an empty, dark room, and slid to the floor and started to cry.

She hardly noticed the door open, she didn't bother too look up from the darkness that consumed her.

"Hey now, you're too pretty to cry." She heard.

She looked up and saw her salvation, extending his arms...Mark Sloan.

_They didn't have you where I come from, Never knew the best was yet to come, Life began when I saw your face, And I hear your laugh like a serenade._

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Who is that skank?" Izzie growled, peering into the exam room where Callie was looking over Jennifer's ankle, with Alex right by her side.

"Some girl who tripped on your floor and Alex brought her down." George stated.

"I hate him SO much right now." Izzie growled. "He left us to go hit on some chick...she's short! A short chick! We got caught because he thought with his penis and not his brain."

"Uhm...and that's not normal for him?" George asked.

"I HATE him." Izzie growled again.

"Where is Meredith now?" George asked.

"Probably being murdered and cut into little pieces by Addison."

"Or Not." George said, pointing as Meredith stormed by.

"What happened?" Cristina asked, stopping as she was walking by.

"Addison found out."

"And?"

"No idea." Izzie said, "Addison kicked me out of the room."

"You're brave for stepping on the elevator and leaving her ward, aren't you?"

"She's in some room with McSteamy."

"Whoa, WHAT?" Cristina asked. "When did we go all Jerry Springer at Seattle Grace?"

Cristina looked at Izzie, whose arms were folded over her chest, her eyes burning with rage as she watched Alex & Jennifer flirting.

"I don't even want to know why you're angry." Cristina stated. "I'm going to do my rounds like a good girl and snicker when you guys get yelled at."

Cristina walked off and Izzie shook her head. "If this were kindergarten I so would have tied her to the jungle gym and left her there."

She turned back and watched as the girl playfully reached up and touched his cheek, Alex flashing her a million dollar smile.

And as much as Izzie Stevens didn't want to admit it, it was more then obvious she was jealous.

_How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough?_

_How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Cause I'm never, never giving you up._

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"I...I need to go home." Meredith sighed as she stood before Richard Webber.

"You feeling alright?" Richard asked, with concern growing on his face.

"No, not at all." Meredith sighed, fighting back the tears that she knew would erupt at any moment.

"As I've told you before, anytime you are going to take off your internship must be made up for in the future meaning Yang, O'Malley & Karev will be long out of theirs before you. Stevens is a different story..."

"I I know." Meredith replied.

"I can't give special treatment." Richard stated. He looked at Meredith's sad eyes and said, "Go home Grey. You look miserable."

------------------------------------------

"How..." Addison trailed off.

Mark smiled. "I'll explain everything later. Point is, I'm here."

"How'd you know I was in here?" She asked.

"I saw you head in here when I got off the elevator, not many leggy redheads running around here."

Mark helped Addison to her feet. "I'm guessing my good pal Derek's left you high and dry?"

Addison sighed.

"The intern?" Mark asked.

"Now there's someone else involved." Addison quietly said. "Derek and said interns baby."

"He knocked her up!" Mark exclaimed. He saw that Addison's expression didn't appreciate his choice in words and said, "Alight, that didn't come out right...so, I have a hotel room, at the Renaissance on Madison Street. It'll be pretty empty, you know, with me there. I can do the whole...shoulder to cry on thing if you'd like. But I'm going to call him a hypocritical asshole a number of times if that's fine with you."

Addison couldn't help but smile. Her whole world had just fallen apart and Mark had come in like a knight on a white horse and swooped her off her feet.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today...had a meeting, was supposed to check on some patients...let's go, let's get out of here, get me the hell away from this hospital and get me some good wine and a hot bath."

"That I can do." Mark said, opening the room door for her and motioning for her to exit.

_I slip in bed when you're asleep, To hold you close and feel your breath on me,_

_Tomorrow there'll be so much to do,So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you_

---------------------------------------

"Meredith?" Derek called out as he watched her exiting to the parking lot. "MEREDITH!" he called out.

_She told him. She told him...just keep walking, just keep walking. Pretend he's not there._

Derek turned and hung his head, looking up for a moment, he saw Addison walking towards him with Mark.

"Addison?" He called out, in utter confusion.

"Its like I told her...I can't hate you. I can't hate you for loving her. Its done now, Derek. It's done. I'm not going to run away, I'm not going to hide. I have a contract here and I'm going to stick with it. But as soon as its over, I'm getting the hell out of here. You don't need to hide it anymore. You love her, and you know it. I suggest you run as fast as you can and stop her from walking away."

Mark gave Derek a cocky grin and shook his head, wrapping his arm around Addison's waist and guiding her down the stairs.

Derek's mind was raging a battle, should he kick Mark's ass, or run after Meredith?

His heart pulled him down the stairs and out the door, he had to stop her.

_Is she crying?_ He thought to himself. _She's crying..._

"Meredith!" He called out again.

"Leave me alone." Meredith cried as Derek slipped in front of her car door, preventing her from opening it.

"No. You are not going to run away from me, not here and NOT now. My wife just walked out of here with Mark Sloan. WHAT is going on?"

"Don't, Derek. Don't act like the victim don't pretend like you don't know. I KNOW she told you, so just come on out and tell me you hate me, tell me I'm a stupid bitch and I ruined your life and how you don't want this baby and I should go now and get an abortion. Just tell me, because I can't take it if you keep pretending like you don't know."

"Baby...Baby? You...You're pregnant?"

Meredith's eyes went wide as she saw the expression on his face. "She didn't tell you?"

"You're pregnant?" Derek asked again.

Meredith started to cry. "I can't do this anymore. I can't have this baby and I can't love you anymore...it hurts, Derek, it hurts so much to know I can't have you."

Derek's eyes softened as he watched Meredith reach into her bag and pull out the pictures from her ultrasound.

"Yes, I'm pregnant. And before you get any ideas, YES, it is your baby." She said as she handed him the pictures. "Now, let me go." She sobbed.

"No." Derek said, as he looked down at the pictures and back at Meredith.

"Please, Derek, let me go."

"No, Meredith. I Love You."

"You can't love me now, no, you're not allowed to say it now. Not now, not because your wife left with another man. You say it because you mean it!" Meredith screamed, pushing Derek away from her car door and diving in.

Derek didn't put up a fight, the shock of everything that just happened overwhelmed him and he watched her drive off.

"She's pregnant..." He whispered to himself.

_As you wander through this troubled world, In search of all things beautiful, You can close your eyes when you're miles away, And hear my voice like a serenade._

_How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough? _

_How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Cause I'm never, never giving you up._


	14. Chapter 14: Weight off the Shoulders

NOTES: I'vr been working on this and my new Lost fic, Secrets in the Sand (check it out, yo!) so I'm on fanfiction overload, if you haven't read it yet, my partner in crime, Claire started a Grey's fic as well, "Impossible Odds" so check that out too! ENJOY :) Reviews are loooooooooove.

"What just happened?" Izzie asked. She had seen Addison walk off with Mark and watched Derek run after Meredith and come in, clearly upset.

"Um...I don't know." George replied.

Derek walked by and couldn't even look at them. He knew they were staring at him, knew they were jumping to conclusions, knew that the moment he turned the corner they would mutter obscenities and snicker at him. That bastard doctor! He could hear Izzie Stevens mutter something and he was tempted to tell her off. But he kept on walking, he turned the corner and kept on walking. He had a job to do, he had lives to save, and just because his world stopped spinning he couldn't make everyone else's slip out of rotation as well.

He went about his day, he tried his hardest to shove everything that just happened deep down inside of him, and lock it there. He just imagined it was Meredith he was trying to save, that is was Meredith laying before him on an operating room table, on the brink of death, pregnant with their child. Didn't matter that it was a 46 year old man, he had an active imagination and his passion for Meredith drove him to yet another successful surgery.

It was late when he finished. Late when he grabbed his keys and pulled his jacket tighter. Late when he stared up at the dim stars in the dark sky and remembered the ferryboats. Late when he thought about that night at prom when everything felt right, and to him, it still felt right. It was Late when he realized, he should have picked Meredith to begin with. Late when he realized Addison didn't deserve to be treated like this.

He longed to hold Meredith and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, tell her it was all going to be alright and he'd help her raise this baby. He saw the pain in her eyes and he wanted to fix it. He was a doctor, wasn't he? Couldn't he fix a broken heart by now?

He started his car and sat for a moment, deep in thought.

He needed to see her, he needed to tell her that he wanted this baby.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I keep telling myself off in my head, Addison, you are an idiot. Over and over and over again..."

"But, you aren't an idiot." Mark corrected. "Far from it, hey you slept with me, right?" Mark grinned.

Addison playfully shoved him in the shoulder. "Mark, why didn't-"

"Hey, lets' not get into the past, shall we?" Mark smiled, pouring Addison a glass of wine. "Let's get into there here and now."

"Well, why are you here then?" Addison asked, taking a sip of the wine and closing her eyes with a pleased smile. She opened them and looked at Mark, awaiting his answer.

"Thought I'd surprise you." Mark winked.

"Oh, Come On now." Addison laughed.

"Well, Webber needed my services again, convenient timing, aye?" He said, as he hit his glass to Addison with a CHING.

"Very Convenient." Addison responded with a small smile.

--------------------------------

Dear Denny-

I hate Alex Karev. He is the cause of Meredith's current distress. Had he have not used the guidance of his hormones, I wouldn't have a soaking wet pillowcase right now. Meredith's laying next to me, I can't leave her alone right now, she's a mess, and I mean...A MESS.

Some girl, who seems to think she's the Paris Hilton of Seattle...okay no, wait, she wouldn't be Paris Hilton cuz I think this girl is cheap, she's be the Motel 6 heiress. We'll call her Motel 6! Anyway, Motel 6 trips and falls in her frou frou hussy shoes and Alex has to play the hero cuz wow, he might just get laid. He's a hypocrite, a HUGE hypocrite. He judged me for having anything to do with you and now he's got his hands up her Juicy Couture skirt! I'm furious, I'm beyond furious...I'm...I don't know but I swear I've been so good at refraining myself from tearing his testicles out.

So, yes, we got caught and Addison found out. She ended up taking off with the very guy she cheated on Derek with. I swear this feels like Melrose Place. Then I guess Meredith told Derek...I don't know all the juicy details because Meredith is a complete wreck. I have to go make her something to eat then force feed her.

I really wish you were here right now. I've sat here holding Meredith when she cries, who is going to hold me when I cry? I'll leave with a big huge dramatic sigh.

I Love You!

-Izzie

-----------------------------------------

"How is your food?" Cristina asked. Preston had barely touched the thai food they ordered and Cristina was merely trying to make conversation.

Preston looked up from the newspaper he was reading and softly said, "It's fine."

"But you haven't even really eaten it." Cristina stated.

"I know." Preston replied.

"So, I've heard they're releasing a Eugene Foote Memorial album."

"Oh yeah?" Preston asked, setting down his paper.

"Yes, I actually preordered it for you today."

Preston replied with a warm smile.

"You have to say something." Cristina blurted out. "...about your hand. I know that you've only had two moments so far, but that is still two moments too many."

"No." Preston firmly stated.

"You need to!" Cristina yelled out. "You can't keep assisting Shepard and acting like you just don't 'feel' ready to work on your own, this is ridiculous!"

"I will NOT be told to give up, I will decide when yo give up, and I am NOT ready to give up yet. Derek will politely pat me on the shoulder and tell me there's not much we can do, and I know I can control this." Preston declared.

Cristina, in a surprising moment, pushed herself from the table and into Preston's arms.

Preston had been taken aback by Cristina behavior many times in the past few months and he embraced each moment, each crack at her shell that unleashed her true spirit.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you." Preston said, as Cristina pulled away. "For once in your life, don't use your brain, don't think, just listen to your heart, alright? Now I'm going to ask it once, and I won't force you to make your decision. I want to know, if you'll marry me?"

Cristina felt as if she had swallowed a bug, did Preston just ask her to marry him?

--------------------------------

"Mer, I'm gonna go down and you a sandwich, okay?" Izzie said, sweetly peering over at her friend. She didn't expect her to respond, so mockingly Izzie said, "Oh yes, Izzie, my fantastic drop dead gorgeous, smart friend, I don't deserve a sandwich from you."

Meredith rolled over and glared at Izzie, who gave a laugh.

"I'm kidding, of course, I'm not THAT vain." Izzie smiled.

"Peanut Butter & Jelly?" Meredith asked through sad eyes, sniffling as she spoke.

Izzie smiled and nodded. "Peanut Butter & Jelly."

Izzie made her way down the stairs, eyeing George and Callie on the couch watching repeats of some TV show she never could get into, nor found the time to get into called Lost. George was trying his hardest to explain it all to Callie.

"How's she doing?" Callie asked.

"If she's not dehydrated from crying so much, I'll be shocked. I'm about to make her something to eat though, she's calmed down a little bit but her hormones aren't making anything easier." Izzie sighed.

"Yeah." Callie said softly and Izzie made her way into the kitchen, rolling her eyes at the sound of the doorbell.

If its Alex, I'm kicking him in the balls. She thought.

But much to Izzie's surprise, it was Derek.


	15. Chapter 15: Starting Over

Izzie didn't know what to say. She stared blankly for a few moments before Derek finally said, "I need to speak to Meredith. And before you slam the door in my face or go into some tyrant about how much of a scumbag I am or you kill me with your eyes just please, give me some time with her. I do love her, I truly do."

"Is this love her because your wife took off with certain male friend...or love her because you really really do and you're here to admit you are a scumbag but want to not be said scumbag anymore and apologize for choosing the wife who, let me remind you...let with said certain friend...which, again, should not be the reason you love, Mer." Izzie thought for a moment then looked to Derek's confused face. She sighed and then opened the door wide.

"If I hear her cry out or yell or if one tear should fall...I'm coming after your ass." Izzie growled. "She's upstairs, my room." She shot him a deadly glance and he nodded, as George and Callie peeked around and watch him go upstairs.

"Tell me how fantastic I am and how I'm the bigger person for doing that." Izzie said, fanning herself, clearly frustrated.

"You're fantastic and the bigger person!" George exclaimed.

"Thank You, I feel better now." She threw herself on the loveseat and stared at the TV, half paying attention as her interests were elsewhere.

----------------------------------------------

"Meredith." Derek said softly from the doorway. Meredith nearly fell of the bed she jumped up so fast.

"Derek." She said, nervously grabbing almost every pillow on izzie's bed and clinging to them.

"Hi." He said, searching his mind for exactly what he needed to say.

"I think we're a little past hellos." Meredith sighed, realizing she probably looked horrible and wiping at her eyes with her palms.

"So.."

"So's too, we're very over so's." She said.

"Right."

"Look Derek, just...I don't know. I've said what I need to say, now its your turn, if you have nothing to say then don't stand there in the doorway giving me that look, and don't give me that look either. I'm serious. I've cried enough today, I don't want to cry anymore."

"You're keeping the baby." Derek stated.

"Wha...No, I can't have this baby."

"No." Derek said firmly, walking forward and sitting on the bed, directly in front of Meredith. "This baby is mine too, I have a say. You are keeping this baby."

"Derek..."

"No, if we're past the so's and the hi's we're past the Derek and the whine it comes with. You are keeping this baby because I want this baby and I know deep down inside you want this baby too."

He reached out for her hand and held it tight in his.

"I guess at times I'm old fashioned, and I've made mistake. I honored the vows I took and betrayed my heart. I know this and I struggled with it every day. I thought I could move on, but when I saw the way Finn looked at you and I saw you in the black dress your arms wrapped around him...I knew I wanted you. Call me stupid, or...sappy, but I think this baby was our slap in the face, Mer. And I think the right choice is to keep it. I want this baby, and I want you. I'm not just saying it because Addison walked out with Mark, or any other petty little reason. I'm saying it because I've held myself back before and it killed me. I love you and I can't say it enough."

Meredith was obviously taken aback by his words. Her eyes welled with tears and he stroked the back of her neck with his hand, pulling her into a strong embrace.

He opened his mouth to speak but Meredith stopped him.

"Just, just lay with me." She sighed. Derek removed his jacket and shoes and laid on his left side, staring intently into Meredith's emotional yet utterly beautiful blue eyes. She stared back at him through the tears and then curled up against his chest, she inhaled, taking in the light scent of his cologne. She missed the days, far in the past where they would lay like this and be happy.

His hand moved down to gently touched her rounded belly and he smiled.

"I'm keeping the baby." She said, as she smiled back at him.

He rubbed her belly with a sort of wonder in his eyes that she couldn't explain. She hoped, deep in her heart, that this moment would last forever, but life for Meredith Grey was never this easy. She dreaded the day yet to come, facing Addison and the Chief and she knew she would most likely be fired because she doubted Addison would take this well at all.

Derek's gentle eyes stopped her mind from wandering, as she forced herself to merely live in the moment as she placed her hand over his and nestled her head under his chin.

------------------------------------------------

Izzie was rather annoyed that Meredith and Derek had fallen asleep together in their bed, but she was pleased that she didn't hear yelling and that Meredith had a grin on her slumbering face. She shrugged and passed out in Meredith's bed, only to get up a few hours later at the sound of Meredith's alarm.

She slowly trudged down the stairs annoyed that nobody else had bother to go grocery shopping. She used the last bit of coffee in the tin to boil a small pot and the fragrant aroma caused her to smile a little in the anticipation of caffeine.

Derek and Meredith filed into the kitchen and Izzie's eyes widened at Derek being shirtless before her.

"Sorry." He mumbled, a little embarrassed. Though Izzie couldn't complain much over the view.

"Oh My God, Mer, did you have sex?" Izzie asked, pulling Meredith to the side, eyeing Derek shirtless standing at the fridge.

"No." Meredith stated.

"Are you sure?"

"Izzie, I think i would know if I had sex. He got a little warm and I didn't want to bug George for something lighter for him to wear."

"So...What exactly is going on here."

"We're keeping the baby." Meredith smiled.

"Okay...and Addison just magically disappeared and I'm NOT going to get chewed out when I walk in today."

"Not exactly, we haven't worked all that out yet."

Meredith poured herself a cup of coffee which Derek promptly stole from her and drank himself.

"Hey!" Meredith exclaimed.

Derek shook his head. "No caffeine."

"How am I supposed to function?" Meredith whined.

"She'll sneak it, I've tried many times to keep her away but she'll sneak into the nurse's station and steal their coffee if she has to." Izzie pointed out.

"I'll just have to put a stop to it then."

Meredith whined as Izzie looked in the fridge, located the orange juice and poured Meredith a glass.

Meredith scrunched her nose, clearly annoyed.

"This is going to make an already predicted horrible day at Seattle Grace even more horrible."

-------------------------------------------------

Meredith was not comfortable, not at all. Sitting between Addison and Derek facing the Chief in his office was not exactly her idea of a good time. It reminded her very much of the time in Kindergarten when she was sent to the principals office for sticking gum in Joycie Turner's hair. Meredith never liked the girl, but waiting to strike her revenge at the more perfect time, during the Christmas recital she stuck a wad of Bazooka Joe in the girls ringlets and giggled all through "The Little Drummer Boy." The stunt landed Meredith in the principals office the next day with Joycie and Joycie's mother, and at this moment, Meredith almost preferred to be seated next to the rather large, high pitched voice in a Blue Polka Dot dress that was Mrs. Turner. Anyone beat Addison at this point. They had been in there far too long already, questions were asked, answeres were given and Richard was just about done with the whole thing since Addison and Derek refused to stop bickering.

"So, I will ask again, is there going to be hostility in my hospital now?"

"No, no hostility, because I am a professional. And being said professional, I would never cause anymore issues then what is here before us that will hopefully settled. Nor will I ditch my significant other at a prom to sleep with my former mistress whom I have always loved but just wouldn't admit it for fear of the unknown." Addison stated.

"That was hostility." Richard pointed out.

"Can't I have my moment to vent? At least before we walk out of this room, shake each others hands and act like she's NOT carrying Derek's evil spawn?"

"Ouch." Meredith slipped out.

"Very Ouch." Derek groaned.

"I'm very very very hormonal, and you two bickering is bringing me rather close to banging both your heads into the desk right now. We all, in some way or another have screwed up, But we're big kids, right? We can get through this and share our crayons, can't we? Because we obviously have dug all of our graves with our own hands and are going to sit in them, and we're going to enjoy it." She took a deep breath before adding in" ...Damn it!" and hitting the desk with her fist.

"Well said, Grey." Addison nodded.

"Thank You." Meredith replied.

"Did I make a mistake by bring Mark Sloan in temporarily?" Richard asked.

"Oh no, sir." Addison answered.

"Correction, that's a yes." Derek corrected. "I will be entitled to beat his face in."

Richard sighed.

"What?" Addison growled. "There's no babies involved in my side of this situation and Mark is just a friend."

"With Benefits." Derek added in.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not being hostile." She pointed out

She gently placed her hand over Derek's and looked him in the eyes.

Derek sighed. "I have no problem with Mark Sloan being here."

"The FIRST problem I see that arises from you three...will not end well, I will assure you that. I'll desperately be in the of a Neurosurgeon, a Neonatal surgeon and another Intern."

"Yes, sir." The three said, in synch.

"Go on now before I change my mind." He said, shooing them out of the room with his hand.

Addison zoomed off towards the elevator, not bothering to say anything to Derek or Meredith on the way out.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Denny-

I was fearful all day that Addison was going to lead me into a dark room and beat my face in with some forceps but she was actually very quiet and reserved today. I did what I was told and put in a little extra too, and you can laugh and call me a suck up but even though Meredith's my friend, she made a mistake so I can't just be an uber bitch to Addison ALL the time, at least not to her face! She did ask me, however about Meredith and who she was seeing as an OB/GYN and I said no one right now and she suggested I oversee her pregnancy. I was a little shocked by this but maybe its because she doesn't want to have to do it though Meredith wouldn't let her even if she had to. I think for the time being, I might as well do her check ups and just get Addison to write any prescriptions. Addison gave me the okay so I might as well right?

Alex seems to be avoiding me. Either that or he's too busy with Jennifer. You know she came to the hospital today and brought him food from Dick's Drive Inn? I wanted so badly to trip her. Then he said something about bringing her by Meredith's one of these days to George. I shuddered! Is he serious? I swear if he brings Motel 6 over here I'm going to loose it. He doesn't live here and he has no privileges to bring special guests. I'm putting my foot down. And hopefully Meredith will agree, if not I'll make her agree.

At least she and Derek are in HER room tonight. I washed my bedding just in case, sorry but I had mascara stains from her crying everywhere and who knows what they did because they're locked in her room awfully quietly right now and I'm going to stop myself from thinking about the possibilities.

I better go, Christina's over here in some sort of hissy fit because Burke wants her to marry him and she can't make the decision. I feel bad for Burke and I hope she doesn't have a ton of catty ridiculous comments as her answer.

Love you!

-Izzie


	16. Chapter 16: Butting Heads

NOTES: I've kept you all waiting far too long. I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint! Thank you to all my faithful readers & reviewers, you guys are incredible :)

-----------------------------------------------

"He asked me to marry him" Cristina sighed. It had to have been the 30th (or perhaps even 40th) time that Cristina muttered those very words, Izzie had long since lost count.

"Have you honestly avoided talking to him all day?" Izzie asked. She looked up at Cristina from the label of the box of brownie mix in her hand with a sigh.

"Well, aside from scalpel, clamp, and anything medical? No."

"I think you should say yes." George piped up, dipping his finger into the gooey chocolate mixture in a ceramic bowl sitting before Izzie. Izzie swatted his hand as Cristina glared at George.

"And I think you should shut up, shouldn't you be rubbing Callie's feet or something?" Cristina growled.

George rolled his eyes back at Cristina and slumped back into the chair he was sitting in, twirling his can of soda on the counter.

"I can't say yes." Cristina sighed.

"Why not?" Izzie asked, swatting George's hand yet again for sticking his finger in the batter.

"I just can't."

"You need a reason."

"No, I don't. I just can't."

George fiddled around behind Izzie and sat back down with a poptart, happily taking a bite before saying. "You could at least talk to him."

Cristina shot him another "death glare" and said, "Why don't you shove that whole thing in your mouth so I don't have to hear anything else from you."

"Izzie, please tell me you have a bottle of midol that you can cram down here throat." George stated before turning and leaving the kitchen.

"Run along you pussywhipped little troll." Cristina growled under her breath.

"You are so testy." Izzie sighed, shaking her head.

"I blame Meredith." Cristina nodded. "Because her drama is clouding my rational thought, She's keeping the baby, and cuddling with Derek...Have I missed something?"

"They aren't exactly in wonderland." Izzie stated.

"Where is Meredith?" Cristina asked.

"With Derek, getting stuff together from his trailer."

"He's...moving in here?"

"Apparently."

"When did this become a flop house?"

"You can't change subject that easily." Izzie said.

"Damn You." Cristina sulked. "This is a huge step in our relationship, no this isn't a step, this is marriage, that's a category all it's own."

"It's getting engaged, Cristina, doesn't mean you get married tomorrow."

"Yes, but it still means you are getting married." Cristina tapped her fingertips against the counter then looked back up at Izzie. "I can't do this."

Izzie slammed her palms into the countertop and looked Cristina dead in the eye. "I'm seriously about to tie you to my rear fender and drag you over this his apartment, making sure that I slam on the brakes in excess just so I can knock some sense into you. He loves you, you love him, you've been through a lot together, even if you can't say yes right now, say SOMETHING. Just think beyond the hospital, think beyond you being some sort of medical messiah, think about the rest of your life and if you just want to be some old, lonely cat lady of a surgeon, or happy and married and IN LOVE."

Cristina seemed taken aback by Izzie lashing out and before she could even open her mouth to speak, Izzie firmly pointed towards the front of the house. "Go. NOW. Talk to him!" Izzie growled, and Cristina jumped up from her seat and took off towards her car.

Izzie smiled, she was incredibly pleased with herself. She poured the batter for her brownie's into a small pan and slipped it in the oven, grabbing herself a can of chilled green tea from the fridge and walking into the living room to relax, alone, for once.

------------------------------------

Meredith jumped up from her cat nap as Derek launched some sort of Granola bar in her direction. She stared at the small silver wrapped bar, pinching it between her fingers and wiping the dust off with her other hand.

"Thought you might be hungry." Derek smirked.

"Where did you find this?" Meredith asked.

"Under my bed." Derek replied.

Meredith set the bar done and shoved it across the small table of the trailer. She certainly wasn't going to eat something that had been under her bed, especially since it looked older than she was.

"Addison's been incredibly nice to me. The scary incredibly nice, the oh to your face I'll speak with a forked tongue then the moment your back is turned I'll slice you up into little bits put you in a cooler and bury you in the park incredibly nice." She took a deep breath and Derek seemed amazed.

"You can say a lot in one breath, anything else you can do in one breath?" Derek smirked.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped, grabbing the granola bar from across the table and chucking it at his head.

He jumped up as he saw lights flash against the back wall of the trailer, peeking out he said with a sigh, "Speak of the devil."

Addison muttered something as she opened the car door and eyed Meredith's Jeep, causing Meredith to feel uneasy, a feeling in her stomach that she couldn't just dismiss along with the morning sickness or hunger pains.

Derek rolled his eyes as Mark slipped out of the car and walked by her side, the two stifling laughter as they slipped up the stairs.

"I'm just here to grab a few things, don't mind me."

"I'm so tempted to make some kind of Trailer joke but, I'll just leave it as a temptation." Mark said with a devious grin.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak, and Addison quickly stopped her.

"Just don't say anything." Addison sighed, pushing past Derek to the back of the trailer.

"Wait, how come he gets to talk? Hello, he's a dirty mistress too!" Meredith whined.

"I'm not knocked up." Mark smiled, folding his arms over his chest.

"You don't get to talk to her like that." Derek growled.

"Who says you get to talk to me with that tone, then?" Mark growled back.

Before Meredith could even say anything, Derek's fist was driven into Mark's jaw. It happened to fast that Meredith was in a daze, one minute she stood up to try and break them up, the next she was flat on her ass in the small halfway of the trailer as the two men proceeded to bash each others faces in. More shocking to Meredith was Addison being the one to help her back on her feet.

"You all right?" Addison asked. Meredith nodded. Addison moved her way to the front of the trailer, attempting to tug Mark off of Derek.

"Down the stairs...NOW." Addison yelled, and surprisingly both men obeyed and stepped out of the trailer. Meredith followed, wondering if she was about to witness a real life double castration, she giggled at her thoughts, rubbing her lower back which was beginning to really hurt.

"We're all adults, right?" Addison asked, placing her hands on his hips. Mark winced as he brought his fingertips to his lip, sighing as he saw blood.

"For the most part." Derek said, eyeing Mark.

"This situation is never going to be easy, but we've got to deal with it. We work together, and we will be for a long time. I'm not gonna say all is forgiven or that things are great between us, because they aren't, but fighting isn't going to fix what has already happened."

Meredith nodded in agreement.

Derek couldn't say anything but, "I've already got what I really need. Lock up when you're finished."

Addison just shook her head as he walked off, motioning for Meredith to follow.

"I feel sorry for your child." Mark managed to let slip.

Derek shot her a glare that could have killed. "Don't ever talk about my child." Derek shot back, helping Meredith into the car.

Addison shook her head as she watched them drive off, and though it killed her inside, she stood strong. Now wasn't the time to be weak.

-------------------------------------------------

Cristina sat in her car for a few moments, gripping the steering wheel tightly in a desperate attempt to grasp some sort of answer. She knew she loved Preston, she knew he was the one for her, but she just couldn't do it. She had lost her edge months ago, and was struggling to keep grip on what she had left. She remembered when Izzie cut the L-VAT wires and she couldn't squeal, desperately she cried out that she would tell when she knew what was happening, when she realized her walls were tumbling down, but Dr. Webber wouldn't hear it.

Deep down inside, she wanted to say yes. She wanted a white picket fence and a normal life, as much as Cristina Yang would never admit it, deep down inside, she wanted it. The kids, she doting husband, the nice cars...but she wanted a medical career too, she wanted to be the next Ellis Grey, minus the affair and crippling mental disease. She wanted to be cutting edge, the woman that medical students admired and one day dreamed of becoming. She felt as if getting married meant locking your dreams away to focus on cake toppers and dresses, honeymoons and the normal camaraderie that came with it.

Nervously she turned the key in the ignition and started the car, pulling out of Meredith's driveway she stared at the space needle in the distance for a moment. With a sigh, she made up her decision. She just wondered if she was going to regret it.


	17. Chapter 17: Wishing on an airplane

**_NOTES:_** I'm back! I've been kinda stuck on this fic, I mean I know exactly what I want and its all outllined but writing it all its hard sometimes! Especially without new Grey's episodes for motivation. So I've been watching Season 1 and some reruns and finally got this chapter written. I love hearing ideas and suggestions for you guys as well. This will be a long fic and though everything seems easy right now, Its not going to stay this way.

A big thank you to all my loyal readers! Hopefully this chapter does not disappoint.

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Cristina sighed, closing her eyes in thought as her fingertips grazed the cool doorknob. This was it, her decision would drastically effect their relationship, and she had sat for a while in Meredith's driveway alone with her thoughts. She debated parking the car and going out for a long ride on her motorcycle when she got back to the apartment but she had left him waiting long enough.

With a twist of her wrist and a gentle push, the door was opened. She eyed Preston on the couch, scanning the newspaper. He turned to look at her for a moment, saying nothing.

"We have our whole lives ahead of us, we have our careers and a lot to consider here. I know that yes, I do love you. It's soon, too soon, don't you think? Yes, we've been through a lot of unnecessary drama, yes, we've still got hurdles to jump and...I didn't want to be preachy or dramatic...yet, I'm getting preachy and dramatic..."

Preston lowered the newspaper, pulling his glasses from his face to look at her. He didn't expect her to say yes and her explanation wasn't surprising in the least bit.

Cristina took a deep breath before she started to speak again, "I'm not some fantastic trophy wife who'll drive around in the SUV picking up the...children..." She groaned, "...from soccer. I'm not a people person, I'm not warm and fuzzy...at least, I thought I wasn't warm and fuzzy."

"Cristina..." Preston spoke up.

"No, let me finish. You're Preston Burke! My...my idol...and you want to marry me? Smart mouthed bitchy know it all Cristina Yang. I never thought I'd do the whole white dress thing, it's been long since I've actually had to sit and concentrate on something that wasn't medical...that didn't have to do with Seattle Grace! In this past year I've...made friends and I care, I care about my friends and I care about you...I love you!"

"Cristina...I understand."

"No, you don't understand because I'm saying Yes. Yes, I accept your proposal. Yes, Preston Burke...I will marry you."

------------------------------

_**The following morning...**_

"I...I have boobs!" Meredith grinned looking at herself in the bathroom mirror.

"How many years has it taken you to notice that?" Izzie asked, though hard to understand with a toothbrush in her mouth.

"No, I like...have nice boobs, not boring smallish boobs I have semi big boobs!"

"Mer, you are pregnant. They've BEEN bigger."

"No, they were slightly more round, then bam, overnight, I have boobs!"

"You also have a belly."

"Yes, but boobs!"

Cristina slipped in with a sigh, impatiently waiting for Meredith and Izzie to hurry up.

"Cristina, I have boobs!" Meredith declared.

"You are a female, aren't you?" Cristina asked.

"You're getting married!" Meredith exclaimed with tears welling in her eyes. She threw her arms around Cristina's neck and hugged her tight.

"This is why I hate mood swings," Cristina groaned, rolling her eyes, causing Izzie to burst into laughter.

"Mer, go eat breakfast, you've got to eat...we've got an incredibly long shift ahead of us."

"I have boobs...and Cristina's getting married. I'm so happy!" Meredith squealed, running down the halfway.

"Where's McDaddy?" Cristina asked.

"He left about an hour ago," Izzie stated. "Both of them were in REALLY good moods this morning, which is strange because...he got his ass kicked last night by Mark Sloan."

Cristina shuddered. "Don't put visuals in my head."

"Of them fighting? Why? Its kind of hot."

"No, Meredith, Derek, Good Mood. That equals sex."

"Wow, where's your mind?"

"On sex, thanks to you."

"Awww, did someone not get happy engagement sex?" Izzie asked in a mocking tone.

"No, I did, three times. But the thought of Meredith-Derek sex just killed my after sex high."

Izzie laughed. "I haven't gotten laid in months, enough sex talk."

"I'm sure Karev would be glad to help," Cristina smirked.

"No, thank you. He's boys gone wild with that Jennifer chick. Besides, I'm doing fine without sex. Denny..." Izzie voice cracked as she said his name. It was the first time in a while that she actually said his name outloud, and Cristina was more then relieved when George popped his head in nervously.

"I think I want to marry Callie," He stated.

"WHAT?" Cristina and Izzie shrieked, in synch.

"You've got to be kidding me," Cristina stated. "This isn't contagious!" She yelped, holding up her left hand, her engagement ring sparkling under the artificial lighting.

"George...Seriously..."

"I'm seriously serious!" He exclaimed.

"Don't make a rash decision," Izzie sighed.

"Hey, none of you can get on me about rash decisions."

"I have been with Burke longer then you have been with Callie, and at least he has an apartment...you know, as opposed to back closet in the hospital."

"Wow, you're lacking in the bitch department today," George laughed. "Did someone get all mushy on us...awww blushing bride, blushing bride!"

"George, I suggest you shut the hell up before I strangle you with your own intestines then drag you to the hospital so I can claim you as my patient."

"Wow," George slowly spit out. "Yeah so...teeth...need brushing..." He trailed off, grabbing for his toothbrush.

"I'm leaving. " Cristina stated. "I just came to gossip, I have the motorcycle today."

"I'll take Mer then." Izzie suggested.

"Right because if you declined I would just run out of the door and leave you to it either way," Cristina smirked. "Tell the Bearer of Evil Spawns with great hair she better hurry or I'll grab all the good cases, same to you, pussy whipped," Cristina smiled as she looked to George.

---------------------------------------------

By the time Izzie and Meredith made their way to the hospital, Cristina had already attached herself to a patient that was an obvious surgery case.

"Here's to another fun filled wonderful day at Seattle Grace," Izzie groaned. "Always great to work with your best friend's baby daddy's ex wife." She glanced over at the elevators, noticing Alex talking to Jennifer.

"They're kidding me, right?" Izzie sighed. "Does she honestly need to be here? Its 5:30 in the morning...seriously, explain to me why she's here."

Meredith shrugged, she tried to come up with something cute to say but she was exhausted and cranky, especially because Izzie intercepted her coffee yet again.

"Oh look, it's the trainwreck twosome," Alex smirked.

"Go fuck yourself Alex, okay? Thank you!" Izzie shot back with a roll of her eyes.

"My my, we're testy this morning," Alex quipped.

"Actually I'm just wondering why you're here at 5:30 in the morning," Izzie said, looking to Jennifer.

"She's leaving, my car was acting up, she dropped me off. Didn't know you'd have a hissy because Jenn here's a good friend."

The elevator doors slid open and Alex said his goodbyes to Jennifer, as Meredith said hers to Izzie.

"Jealous, Iz?" Alex asked.

"No," She replied.

"Liar," Alex said with another smirk.

"Oh don't jump to conclusions, asshole. Wouldn't want your head to explode from the constant expansion of your ego," Izzie said, taking a sip of her tea.

"Hey, she is just a friend," Alex calmly stated.

"Friend? Right, Alex you don't have friends. You know, being a nice guy might just ruin your hardass reputation. Makes me think everything you did for me was one big joke, " Izzie shook her head as the elevator reached their floor and she slipped out, she eyed Addison, gave a wave and walked over.

Alex slowly slid out of the elevator, and with a sigh he said, "If only you understood how much I love you," barely above a whisper.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey!" Derek exclaimed with a smile as soon as he saw Meredith. He looked around and then placed a hand on her tummy in glee.

"Hi," Meredith sighed.

"That's not a happy sigh," Derek stated.

"I'm trying to be happy, but my body is raging with hormones. I was happy this morning, didn't you see me happy, oh so happy! And I come here and its like a vacuum of no happy, it just sucks it all away. Oh and I suddenly feel sick again," Meredith whined.

"Good MORNING, doctors!" Bailey said as she made her way over. "Doctor Shepard would you like to tell me why your hand is on my interns abdomen, don't give me some bullshit reason like 'oh checking the fetal heartbeat' either. Move your ass, you got lives to save, and yeah you're my boss but you know better so I'm sayin' it."

Derek smirked. "I'll see you later, all right?"

"Yes MUCH later, as in not at this hospital so we don't loose a doctor and another intern."

Meredith meekly waved at Derek as he zoomed down the hall.

"How you feelin''?" Bailey asked Meredith.

"Exhausted," She answered.

"Oh just wait, I promise you it'll get better," Bailey smirked. Meredith still didn't get why Bailey had been so incredibly nice to her as of late, but it was Addison who truly scared her, and just as Addison crossed her mind, the tall red head made her way down the hallway towards Bailey and Meredith.

"I need an intern," Addison stated.

"You've got Karev, won't he work?" Bailey asked.

"No he's still in punishment, even more so now for constantly leaving my floor to pick up chicks."

"Well all I've got is Yang, O'Malley & Grey here..."

"I'll take Grey."

Meredith gulped as she followed Addison down the hall.

"We're performing a fetal surgery. The mother is a twenty-four years old, healthy but the fetus has a severe form of congenital diaphragmatic hernia."

"Thats..." Meredith scanned her mind for the answer. "When the liver is located in the chest and lung development is severely restricted, so a fetal surgery is used to make enough corrections so that the baby can survive at birth for more surgery."

"Correct," Addison answered. "As my intern, Stevens will assist with majority of the surgery but I will need you as well."

Meredith nodded. They reached the elevator and Addison looked at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Mood swings...bad mood swings, stomach ache, hot flashes, sore...very sore breasts...spotting..."

"Spotting?" Addison asked with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't think anything of it?"

"Isn't it normal?"

"You did fall rather hard last night," Addison stated.

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine, trudging through a 48 hour work day fine...except I just got here and I'm already whining."

"If you continue spotting, check with Izzie," Addison said.

Meredith nodded.

"Thank You," Meredith said softly. Addison didn't say anything. "And...not thank you for the advice, thank you for...for being nice to me when you don't even have to."

"I do have to Meredith, we work in the same hospital and I doubt you want to loose your internship and I'd like to remain faithful to my contract."

"Even at the trailer last night...you were nice."

Addison cleared her throat and looked to the floor. "I can't despise you for what's already been done. It was inevitable. We all make mistakes but how we respond, how we fix them...that's what truly counts. In the end, its the baby that deserves more then petty behavior or bullshit. I may be the wicked bitch of the east, and now _west_ coast, but I doknow that your baby deserves more then bitter arguments."

"If only Derek and Mark could understand that, having a penis must truly be a curse," Meredith stated.

Addison cracked a smile. "Let's hope your baby is a girl then."


	18. Chapter 18: Perfection

NOTES: Let's play the baby game! I just wanna hear what you guys would like the MER/DER baby to be, boy or girl, and some cute name suggestions. I had an idea but I've seen it used in other fics so I scrapped said idea. So let me hear your suggestions.

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_Dear Denny -_

_I'm writing this from the hospital. Things are slow on my floor (for now) so I'm taking a breather. A nap would have worked but my minds racing and the moment I close my eyes they are shot open again._

_Sometimes I am utterly amazed by Meredith Grey's dumb luck. I sit here wondering when everything is going to spill over on her and life won't be so easy anymore. I don't understand how she has been able to keep her job and then get along with Addison. She's walking a thin line though and I wonder how long it'll be before she loses her balance. I like Addison a lot, she is harsh sometimes and demanding but she's a fantastic doctor and in a sense I do feel for her. Addison did screw up, but in the end Meredith did too. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and it bothers me that Meredith still continues to talk in a negative way about Addison. I can see it in Addison's eyes that she really just wants to break down at the end of the day._

_I get so wrapped up in everyone else's drama. George has major problems right now, his relationship is just moving way too fast. Maybe I can't talk but as much as I've tried to accept Callie, I still feel uneasy about it all. It seems like George is trying to fill the void that Meredith left and it's not working. Callie is just too full on for George and in the end she's just going to drive him nuts, she's also kind of controlling and that also bothers me._

_I had a dream about you last night. It felt so real it was as if I could reach out and touch you and feel your skin against my fingertips. I woke up feeling more alone then I ever have in my life._

_I'm so confused. I'm so angry about Alex and this Jennifer girl and I keep asking myself why. Why should it even matter to me and then I feel guilty for thinking that maybe I still feel for Alex Karev._

_Seriously, I wonder when everything's going to swerve off course again._

_I Love You,_

_Izzie_

----------------------

"Alex, seriously the following me around thing is really starting to get on my nerves."

"I'm bored and your emotional overload is always good for entertainment."

Meredith turned quickly to look up into Alex's eyes. "You know for a while I really had some faith in you, Alex, but it's obvious that you really won't change. You are a hypocrite and an asshole. How dare you ever put Izzie down for Denny when you're messing around with that Jennifer girl whom you so happened to meet when she was a patient here. Izzie won't admit it, but I will, it hurts her Alex!"

"Yeah, friend of the year you are. Where were you when Denny died, huh? Oh that's right, fucking your boss. I held her every time she cried and I knew where her heart was but I still laid there like some pussywhipped idiot because I can't let her go. You people and your conclusions. This whole hospital and its petty bullshit, I'm tired of this soap opera drama. Jenn and I are friends, yeah I know the concepts hard for any of you gossip hounds to handle, she's going to medical school and like me, she digs plastics! We have drinks, I help her study...yeah we've kissed and we do kiss and shit but never in my life have I felt guilty like this over kissing a girl. She made her choice, I was an asshole and we all live with the bullshit we're handed," Alex shot back before turning and walking off in a huff, leaving Meredith in shock.

_**And who he would become,**_

_**all the things he'd have done**_

_**Would he have loved you**_

_**and not let you down**_

_**And would he be stronger**_

_**than his father**_

_**Don't punish yourself,**_

_**leave it well alone**_

_**Dear Isobel, I hope you're well**_

_**and what you've done is right**_

_**Oh it's been such hell,**_

_**I wish you well,**_

_**I hope you're safe tonight**_

_**It's been a long day coming**_

_**and long will it last**_

_**When it's last day leaving,**_

_**and I'm helping it pass**_

_**By loving you more.**_

---------------------

Richard Webber sighed as he looked at Preston Burke, followed by Cristina Yang.

"I am very pleased that you both came to me and told me right away. You two have always been very professional about your relationship so I have no qualms. It does bother me that my hospital has become a dating service but I do still wish you both happiness."

"Thank You," Preston smiled.

Richard looked over at Cristina, as did Burke before she finally said, "Oh, Yes, Thank You!"

"Now, with everything said and done, we've all got a lot to do. Board looks good, yes?" Richard asked, Preston nodded. "I've got new interns coming in next week."

Cristina wanted so badly to bitch and complain but she kept her composure.

"One of them is 24. Graduated high school at seventeen, went straight into a four year and then med-school, graduated first in her class from Harvard. I'm curious to ask why she chose this hospital but looking over her file she's a welcome addition." Richard said, sounding impressed. Cristina looked a little annoyed at the threat of new competition. "One coming in from Stanford, Yang."

Cristina bit her tongue so that she wouldn't say something cruel and gave the fakest smile she possibly could. Then again, the though of hazing made her smile genuine.

--------------------

"Here you go," Derek smiled, sliding a small coffee in Meredith's direction.

Meredith's eyes scanned the hallways for Izzie and then she took the Paper coffee container in her hands smiling with glee over the warmth and aroma.

"You can have one cup a day. I did a little research. Enjoy," Derek said, winking at Meredith. "Its a Mocha Latte."

Meredith took a sip, trying hard not to burn her tongue and sighed over how fantastic the caffeine infused goodness felt as ittrickled down her throat. The chocolate aftertaste cemented Meredith's glee and for a moment she thought she felt bubbles in her lower abdomen. She stopped and gazed down at her little belly with a smile. She knew it wasn't just gas or hunger pains, it was her wonderful little "demon spawn" as it had come to be known as.

-----------------------

"You're off early," Alex said, raising an eyebrow as Jennifer walked towards him.

"Slow night, I decided to get the hell out of there. I was third dancer anyways, no point sticking around for lapdances when I've got that big final tomorrow."

"You feel good about it?" Alex asked.

Jennifer nodded. "Good enough, you're a great study partner," She laughed.

"Hey if you relate everything to sex its easier to remember," Alex smirked.

"Please say you're almost out of here," Jennifer whined.

"Eh, V-Squads slow tonight but...no, I'm not leaving anytime soon. Im actually heading to the ER in hopes of attaching myself to a case since the lackeys have it all covered up here. Two days its the full moon and all the nurses up there in vaginaland are telling me to be prepared. Its always a full moon when we're knee high in placenta."

"Thanks for the mental picture," Jennifer groaned, following Alex into the elevator.

Jennifer couldn't resist kissing him as the doors closed, and Alex gave in, tasting her pear lip gloss against his tongue. He didn't want to feel guilty for kissing her, for even desiring her because in the end, he knew he had to let go of his feelings for Izzie. There was no use hanging on. Jennifer's kiss was soft yet sexy and it sent Alex's head for a spin. He knew Jennifer didn't deserve to be in the middle of it all, but he didn't want to merely shove her away either.

------------------------------------------

Izzie got all giddy as she eyed Meredith in the empty back hallway they often hung out in eating some ice cream.

"How's little Isobelle?" Izzie squealed, bringing her face to Meredith's slightly swollen stomach and talking all sorts of gibberish.

"Isobelle?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, I have decided you are naming the baby after me."

"No she's naming the baby George," George smiled as he plopped himself down next to Meredith before leaning over and whispering something to Meredith's stomach.

"And what if its a boy, Izzie, am I still naming it Isobelle? And George, what if its a girl?" Meredith asked.

"George Foreman named all his children, including the girls George. I win either way," George smiled proudly.

"You People!" Cristina groaned as she walked over. "You and all your baby glee, it disturbs me."

Cristina gave a smirk before leaning into Izzie and George, "Actually she's naming the baby Cristina."

"No! This baby is not an Isobelle or a Cristina or a George. This baby is...I don't know. But I'll think of something fabulous."

"It hasn't even dawned on you that you have to name it, has it?" Izzie asked.

Meredith blushed a little before shaking her head, "I honestly was just going to call it baby."

"Like the kids not already going to have a complex..." Cristina said, shaking her head in disappointment. "Name it Addison in thanks, thanks for her not mutilating you."

"Yet," George added.

"Gecristobelle," Izzie laughed.

"Excuse me?" George said. "It sounds like you just sneezed."

"Yes, again with the complex," Cristina pointed out.

"Cristisorge for a boy?" Meredith laughed.

"Oh if its a boy you know Derek's going to do his whole father son testosterone driven speech about the child shall carry on his name and fantastic hair and so on and so forth. Then he'll talk about playing football with him and I'll gag," Cristina said, jokingly shoving her finger in her mouth and pretending to gag.

"This comes in threes, you know pregnancy, death...it all comes in threes."

Izzie smirked at George and Cristina. "I'm a born again virgin."

"Don't look at me like that," Cristina said. "Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean we'll be hearing the pitter patter of little feet anytime soon."

"I don't think I'm going to have sex anymore," George groaned.

"We work in a hospital," Cristina pointed out. "It doesn't count, there's plenty of babies to fill out Meredith's little equation there."

"Let's go look at the baby again," Izzie smiled. "I'm entitled to, as its for concern over your spotting. I just need to bill it to your insurance so we don't get in trouble."

"Aren't excessive ultrasounds bad for the baby?" George asked.

"Not if they're medically necessary. Unless something comes up I wont do the next one for another month or so, then we'll see what the babies sex is."

"Why do I feel this incredibly warm happy urge to see Meredith's evil fetus?" Cristina groaned.

"Because the ice is slowly being chiseled off your heart," George smiled.

"Don't make me go after you with an ice pick, Bambi."

Izzie stood, flinging Meredith forward by grabbing and tugging on her wrist. "Let's go!" She cried out in glee.

"Yes, let's all go and then have the Nazi send us to deathcamp," Cristina stated. "Staring at Meredith's alien is..." Cristina sighed. "Strangely appealing as much as I didn't want to admit it."

-------------------------------------------

George crooked his head to the side, as did Cristina.

"Its...its cute!" George smiled.

"I told you it was an alien," Cristina stated.

Meredith was all smiles, locked in her hormonal bliss.

"I paged Derek, left 911 and the room number," Izzie smiled.

"Oh fantastic, then they can get all awww look at our baby and then start making out. Please, I just ate and I'd prefer to not throw up. I'm going back down to the pits of hell, Oh and itIS rather cute for a fuzzy alien, Mer," Cristina said before walking out of the room.

Derek came flying in just after Cristina left, his face full of panic.

"Is he okay?" Derek asked.

"He?" Meredith said with an annoyed tone.

"Yes, its a boy."

"When did you decide this?" Meredith asked.

"Because I'm Derek and I'm always right," Derek smirked. "Don't argue that!" He added, pointing at Meredith who he knew could start a three hour arguement over his previous statement. "Is he okay?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes in annoyance and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You woke him...I mean, it, I mean...ugg, you woke the baby up, look!" Izzie said, motioning to the screen.

Derek's eyes widened as the tiny figure on the screen. "Wow, look at that profile." He smiled.

"From here everything looks good Mer, you're measuring right on target, baby is healthy..Aww look at those legs go! Just try not to stress and take things as easy as you can, if the spotting continues we'll do an exam and see what the problem is. Otherwise don't worry, keep on the prenatals, and then we'll do another ultrasound in...oh, about 3 weeks? Then we should be good for a while."

Derek was still in awe over the baby, his baby moving away on the monitor in front of him. "Can you feel it?" He asked Meredith.

"Well, I feel...bubbles every now and then. Now I'm really feeling it," She smiled.

"Wow," Derek smiled, overcome by a huge feeling of pride. And for once, he had no regrets, and he knew that going back and changing the past wouldn't give him this baby, wouldn't give him that sense of pride and wouldn't give him Meredith's maternal smile and he grabbed and squeezed her hands. They both made their mistakes, they both had their flaws but in their baby they saw perfection.


	19. Chapter 19: Blow it all Away

**validnomedeplume** - THANK YOU for your honest, open criticism. As a writer we must see our faults in order to become better writers. I only wish you would have left a link or some way to contact you so that I could get more helpful critiquing.

On the baby front, we've got pretty even votes on the sex but some good ideas either way. Only name suggestion boy wise is Francis but my best friend and I were saying that Meredith would pick some totally old fashioned name, and it's true she probably would lol. I see many funny arguments over those two trying to name their fantastic haired little baby lol.

There's some major things going down in this chapter, one if something I've wanted to touch on ever since the episode "Name of the Game" dropped some crazy news on Meredith which I saw as foreshadowing...so hopefully you guys enjoy the new twist!

Ha, I think this is the longest chapter I've written yet, woohoo. As always, please review!

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_**Two Weeks Later...**_

Cristina was still wearing the smirk she entered Seattle Grace with, her emotions cemented in twisted glee. Fresh blood. Innocent, nervous, ass kissing, little interns and they were hers to torture. This years group was much smaller than her own, at the beginning at least, since half her group had transferred, quit or seemingly fallen off the face of the earth. Cristina tried to count them as they huddled in a group next to O.R. three, waiting for the chief. Two, four, six...seven. She counted seven and then tried to pick out the child prodigy, the kid everyone had been whispering about in the hallways. Even the nurses seemed to know more than Cristina did and it downright annoyed her. So the kid was only twenty-four, so what! Twenty-four didn't make the kid a "Doogie Howser" or genius. Sure, it meant the kid was smart, maybe impatient or just plain nuts. Cristina eyes scanned the group, focusing on a tall, thin sandy blonde with an innocent face and square frame glasses. She looked the youngest, so Cristina figured it was most likely her or the diminutive Asian male to her left.

The Chief make is way to the group and Cristina lifted her clip board, pretending to be deep in thought as Richard Webber walked past.

"Yang," Dr. Webber addressed her with a nod.

"Chief," Cristina responded, only lifting her eyes from the clip board for a moment.

Dr. Webber leaned into Cristina, stopping a mere three inches from her right ear, "Are you eyeing MY interns?"

"No, sir," Cristina softly stated.

"You should be, get a close look at the competition," Richard smiled, before walking off to address the group.

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"So?" Alex asked as Cristina set her tray down at his table.

"So, what?" She asked as she sank back into her chair.

"The new kids, any hotties?"

"Zip your pants back up and think with your actual brain, Karev," Cristina quipped.

"I'm not pregnant by, or marrying my boss. I'd say I'm the thinker of the group personally."

"Is that all you've got?"

"For now, yes," Alex smirked. "So, the interns?"

"I wasn't checking for Miss Washington State, ass," Cristina growled. "Unless you mean the males..."

"Do I look like Bambi?" Alex asked.

Just then, George firmly set his tray on the table.

"Just so you know, Bambi grew up to be king of the forest."

"Cristina raised an eyebrow, "Touche."

"So, the interns...," George started, before Cristina cut him off with a sigh.

"There's seven or so, dominated by males," Alex cut Cristina off with a testosterone driven cheer. Cristina shot Alex a death glare before continuing, "The so called child prodigy doesn't seem so spectacular. I don't see what the obsession is. When did being twenty four and being an intern become such a big deal? She went straight into school after she graduated, big deal. She's not special."

Alex laughed a little, "You're so out of the loop."

"Just because I didn't do half of the nursing staff doesn't make me out of the loop."

"Count me as non looper too," George mumbled through a mouthful of turkey sandwich.

"Rumor has it..." Alex began, looking around.

"Spill it, Karev," Cristina urged.

"She is Grey's sister."

Cristina and George's eyes went wide.

"Makes no sense! Who started this one? Sounds like a crock to me. How would they end up at the same hospital, is that legal? I mean, that could be one major case of nepotism. No way, stamp this and put it in the BS pile," Cristina said.

"Hey, a wing of this place is named for Meredith's Mom. And if Meredith can get knocked up by Shepard and keep her job...then her sister could intern here," Alex stated.

"Isn't her sister a young, once pregnant daddy's girl?" Cristina asked.

"No, there's another one. Don't you pay attention? Mer said the one that was in here was saying that she had an older sister in Med. school, Med. school at...Harvard, yeah, that's it!" George snapped his fingers and exclaimed.

"Brainiac's from Harvard," Alex pointed out, referring to the new, young intern.

"Wow," George managed to squeeze out.

"She doesn't know, does she?" Cristina asked.

"Who?" Alex wondered.

"Shit, either one!" George exclaimed.

"Who knows," Alex shrugged. "Makes for some great entertainment though."

----------------------------

Jennifer scanned the hallways of Labor and Delivery, sighing and bringing her hands to her hips when she couldn't locate Alex. Instead she found Izzie, slipping out of a patients room.

"Have you seen Alex?" Jennifer asked.

"I'm not a full time nanny," Izzie snapped. "Don't you have anything better to do then wander around Seattle Grace all day?"

"I'm not here to get bitched at, I'm here for Alex, he helps me with my finals."

"In what, wrestling?" Izzie asked with an added eye roll.

"I'm not dignifying that with a reply," Jennifer sighed.

"Not that I honestly care, but you constantly hanging around here could get him in a lot of trouble."

"This hospital is where I plan on fulfilling my internship for a year, I don't see a problem. I'm not interfering in any way."

"Yeah you do interfere, because every time you show up Alex doesn't get his stuff done. Besides, picking a hospital just to be closer to your boyfriend is stupid," Izzie said.

Jennifer swallowed her pride, turning quickly before she said, or did anything she might have regretted.

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"Are we sure?" Miranda Bailey asked, setting down her files and looking over at Richard Webber. His lack of a response gave her the answer she needed, "What's this mean?"

"It means we continue to act as professional as possible. I realize the timing isn't the best but we cannot stop opportunity. Lexi deserves her chance regardless of whose sibling she is."

Bailey nodded, "Every day this place slowly becomes more and more like a soap opera. I swear we should be on TV, where's my damn Emmy?"

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"What time are you going to Meredith's place?" Cristina asked George, who shrugged.

"Alex, you going?" George asked, turning to Alex.

"Going where?"

"Smooth move, dipshit," Cristina groaned.

"Ohhhh..." George couldn't think of much else to say as he was overwhelmed with embarrassment.

"To Meredith's house, Izzie is making dinner. You should come, I'm inviting you, actually I don't live there so we'll say George invited you. We're going when we get off shift today, so, you can drop by whenever you're unleashed from the gyno beast's grasp."

"Hey wait, I'm not having Izzie tear my nuts off over this," George groaned.

"What nuts?" Alex smirked, "I mean..I'll bring Jennifer."

"Oh, please don't," George sighed.

"Who is the party for?" Cristina asked.

"Meredith," George answered.

"Meredith likes Jennifer, does she not?" Cristina asked.

"Yes," George sighed.

"So, let the kid come, it'll alleviate some of the tension of unloading the truth about Meredith's supposed sibling roaming the hospital halls with her holier then thou

attitude," Cristina said as she pushed her tray forward and then sat back, folding her arms over her chest.

"When everything goes all crazy whoa bitch fight, this will all sit on your shoulders Cristina," George stated.

"Five bucks on Jennifer," Cristina smirked.

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Izzie was bordering on the brink of insanity trying to get her appetizers finished so that they would be ready when everyone else decided to show up. Meredith had somehow managed to get the day off, as did Izzie and everyone else was getting off their shifts at 4:30, just enough time to get in showers, change their clothes and get whatever else they needed together. George had been back for twenty minutes before Izzie started to panic, not only was George acting strange but a handful of her orange glazed chicken kebobs had burnt to a crisp. She wished Cristina and Preston would hurry up and get there so that Preston's cooking talents could help her to salvage the rest of the meal. She did, however, get very nice side salads set up for the group and was pleased. Cristina had called ahead of time to request two more seats at the table. Izzie knew it had to be Alex and Jennifer and with a sigh she reluctantly accepted. She knew the party was for Meredith and Meredith did like Alex (majority of the time) and was perfectly fine with Jennifer. It did irritate her but she tried hard to be the "bigger man", obviously Jennifer wasn't going anywhere and Izzie simply had to deal with it.

"Meredith!" Izzie shrieked as Meredith grabbed some sliced salami from a tray on the counter. She smacked Meredith's hand lightly, perfectly fitting for her den mother role. "Stop stealing the hors d'ourves, besides if you keep eating the way you have the last few days you're going to blow up like a balloon."

"I'm starving!" Meredith whined.

"Have a yogurt, there's like forty of them in the fridge that you just HAD to have yet never eat."

"I'm over yogurt," Meredith sulked. "I hear Cristina..." She said, referring to the sound of a motorcycle engine. Izzie peered through the window and groaned.

"Oh..oh no! She's alone, where's Preston? I NEED Preston," She huffed.

Cristina made her way in, barely getting her jacket off before Izzie pounced on her. "Where is Preston?" She gasped.

"He's held over in a surgery...oh, I see you invited him because he's got skills," Cristina said as she rolled her eyes.

"No, not at all, I just..."

"You just screwed up royally and need him to fix it," Cristina sighed.

"Something like that," Izzie sheepishly replied.

"Actually Izzie these are good..." Meredith said, picking out one of the chicken kebobs that wasn't burn and taking a bite.

"Meredith!"

"Jesus Mer, you're fat!" Cristina yelped.

Meredith's mouth dropped.

"No, I mean in that shirt, that shirt makes you look...pregnant!"

"No fixing this one," Izzie stated.

"I AM pregnant," Meredith sulked. "Do I seriously look fat?"

"Meredith, what do you weigh, like 92 pounds with your hair wet? You're not fat," Izzie stated, turning Meredith around. "See, look from the back you can't even see your tummy, you're just a small person with a small frame and that makes it insanely obvious that you are pregnant, not to mention that kid is huge."

Meredith sighed with relief, then whined at Izzie took the chicken from her. "If you keep eating this way..."

"I'll blow up like a balloon," Meredith said in a mocking tone.

Cristina was still staring at Meredith's stomach. "How did I not even see that?" She asked, pointing.

"I'm changing my shirt," Meredith huffed, running upstairs.

"Nice job, Cristina, that's ALL I need is Meredith having a hissy fit,"

"Yes, its fairly obvious you've got enough hissy for the both of you," Cristina smirked.

Izzie just glared at Cristina before turning and walking towards the fridge and nearly tripping over Mr. Snuggles.

"GEORGE!" She yelled. "Will you come get this annoying, pain in the ass ball of fluff before I stuff her down the garbage disposal?"

Izzie rolled her eyes when he didn't come. "He's acting like a baby, what does he know that I don't? Did Alex get Jennifer pregnant?"

"No, you couldn't call this one if you want to," Cristina stated.

Izzie thought for a moment, "Derek's gay?"

Cristina laughed, "Nice try but no."

"Oh, just tell me, I don't have the patience to try and figure this out," Izzie sighed as she slid a pan of tequila lime chicken breasts in the oven.

"Meredith's sister is one of the new interns," Cristina smiled.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Cristina nodded.

"No, no way, that's impossible," izzie said shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, we'll see what you say when you meet her, she screams related to Meredith. They don't look that much alike at all but they have the same mannerisms. Trust me, I didn't believe it at first but then she was pinned on George and I for a while and...she's Meredith's sister, just trust me on this one, her name is Lexi, she even mentioned how her younger, yet not that much younger sister had a baby fairly recently."

"Meredith's going to...she's going to flip out." Izzie sighed, "Seriously, this will kill her. It was bad enough when the other one showed up at the hospital...don't say anything, okay? I know you love to just drop the shock moments like its nothing, but let her find out on her own."

"That's no fun, its better to prepare her for the situation, then we don't have to hear her whine as much," Cristina suggested.

"Some friend you are," Izzie said. She walked around the counter to remove her apron and tripped over Mr. Snuggles again, nearly falling into Callie who entered the kitchen.

"Derek's running late," Callie stated.

Izzie growled, tightened her fists and then stopped to take a long, deep breath.

"Can you cook?" She asked Callie.

"How long have I been staying here and you're just now asking this? Yes, I can cook, I'm Hispanic,"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Izzie asked.

"Means our grandmothers drill in into our heads from an early age," Callie answered.

Despite her paranoia, Izzie's cooking was much better then expected. It seemed that was she had learned from Preston those many months prior she had retained, she somehow found comfort in relating the food she cooked to a patient, trying her hardest to calm down, suit up and get it done with.

Preston actually made it before Derek did, and when Derek finally showed up forty-five minutes after Izzie had actually told everyone to come over, Izzie felt a strange comfort in it all, realizing that maybe Alex and Jennifer weren't going to show up after all.

Preston and Derek knew they could be paged at any time and Izzie didn't mind she was just happy they showed up in the first place.

Everyone had sat down, comfortable when there was a knock at the door, and with a sigh Izzie realized that it was Alex Karev with Jennifer in tow, unless Bailey decided to crash the party. She crossed her fingers that it was, in fact, Bailey.

"I brought cookies," Jennifer smiled, as George opened the door.

"Oh, Thank You!" George smiled, taking the small gingham lined basket from Jennifer's hands.

"Alex and Jennifer made it, and Jennifer brought cookies," George exclaimed, looking at Izzie with wide "please don't kill me eyes".

"Whoop de fucking do," Izzie sighed under her breath, giving her fakest most polite smile as Alex and Jennifer entered the room.

Jennifer and Alex sat down at the table, Jennifer giving an awkward smile. "Everything looks delicious," She said.

"Thank You," Izzie quietly said with a nod.

Halfway through dinner, Preston and Derek's pagers both went off. The politely finished their meals before saying their good-byes. "There's a huge case coming in for evaluation that needs a medical screening from many sides of the spectrum," Derek explained, kissing Meredith on the forehead. "Trust me, you'll be filled in tomorrow."

Meredith nodded as Derek turned to Izzie. "Thank you Izzie, everything was fantastic."

Derek grabbed a handful of Jennifer's cookies for the road, taking a bite from one for good measure. "Wow, these are amazing," He smiled, finishing off a cookie before he even left the house.

"Thanks," Jennifer smiled, which just made Izzie's cheeks burn with anger. The cookies were filled with chocolate chips but not too many, just enough to give someone the perfect chocolate fix, and on top of that they were cut into little hearts. Izzie didn't even bother to take one, she had spent most of the afternoon preparing a three course meal for Meredith and all anyone could talk about were Jennifer's fabulous chocolate chip cookies.

Izzie tried to remain in conversation, tried to smile as she tumbled down her own rabbit hole, but she couldn't find her wonderland, she only found pain and depression, her heart heavy.

Alex was all smiles and laughter as he bit into one of Jennifer's cookies, milk chocolate in gobs over his bottom lip. Jennifer laughed as she wiped the chocolate with her finger softly. Izzie couldn't take it anymore as she shoved herself from the table, quietly excusing herself and zooming upstairs.

Alex leapt up, but Meredith found her hand on top of his, urging him to sit.

Izzie threw open the bathroom door, closing it behind her and sobbing. She couldn't have stopped the emotions from flooding out even if she wanted to. She pushed herself against the wall and slid down slowly to a sit, hugging her knees as she cried. That's how Izzie Stevens dealt, she bottled it all up, bottled it all up until she exploded, until everything hit her like a ton of bricks, yet she didn't know where to build, where to carefully place those bricks so they couldn't bother her anymore.

Meredith, Meredith's baby, Denny, stepping back into Seattle Grace, Meredith's possible sister, Alex...and even things she held deep inside her, things that popped up with a vengeance, like her parents, her daughter growing up without her...She unleashed it all with each sob, each tear that rolled down her cheek, with every exhale, the pain lessened, at least for a moment.

As much as everything had changed, she still saw herself the same. She needed a change, something drastic, something she could do before rational thought sunk in and held her back.

She weakly stood, staring in the mirror at her mascara stained cheeks and raccoon eyes. She wiped at her upper lip with the back of her hand and continued to stare before her eyes drifted, opening the medicine cabinet she found her solution, a pair of scissors.

--------------------------------

Jennifer didn't feel she needed to stay any longer, she had obviously worn out her welcome but she knew Alex wouldn't be leaving with her. She saw it in his eyes, he wore his hurt like a mask as he sat the two small tables pressed together, his hands folded in his lap and his head lowered, deep in thought.

"Alex, I...I should go," She softly said. They had come together in her car, so she figured he would give an answer to whether or not he was leaving if she spoke up.

"Yeah, uh, I'll..." His eyes searched the room hoping to pinpoint his designated driver.

"I'll drop him back off at his place," Meredith nodded, even though she knew he'd most likely just stay the night.

Alex felt relieved and he stood to walk Jennifer to the door.

"Yeah, this is where you tell me I fucked up and I hurt her," Alex sighed as he returned to the dining room, his eyes focusing on Meredith.

"No," Meredith said, shaking her head. She didn't know what exactly to say, but in his eyes she saw a pain she was all too familiar with.

Alex shook his head, bolting up the stairs before anyone could stop him.

"Izzie," He sighed, hitting his right index finger knuckle against the door three times.

Her response was silence and Alex couldn't help but feel angry. "Izzie...Just open the damn door!"

His fingers gripped the door knob and he was shocked to find it wasn't locked. He pushed the door open slowly and she didn't cry out or even move, she stared at herself in the mirror with tears welling in her eyes and Alex gasped as he saw locks of her gorgeous blonde hair at her feet.

"Oh, Izzie..." Alex sighed. She turned to face him, her hair now jagged and unkempt, hovering about her shoulders. She had cut off a good five inches and Alex tried to keep a straight face, tried not to outwardly show his shock. He grabbed her, pulling her head into his chest and held her, they both slid to the floor and in the silence, he held her and she didn't cry, breathing lightly she didn't even bother to think or dwell on it all, she simply listened to the beat of his heart.

-------------------------------

They had all wondered when it was going to happen, when it would all come back around and knock Isobelle Steven's flat on her ass. She had buried the pain, buried everything with the faint hope it wouldn't pop up, grab her and bring her back down.

In silence, the remaining members of the dinner party stared at their half eaten plates of food.

George cleared his throat, Callie set her hands in her lap and sighed, Meredith stared off into space and Cristina opened her mouth, ready to speak.

"Meredith?"

Meredith's eyes focused on Cristina, hoping she'd say something, anything, to alleviate the stress.

"Your sister is one of the new interns."


	20. Chapter 20: Suddenly I See

NOTES: Yeah so I've been on a nearly three month hiatus here, I've been so busy. First off was a 21 day vacation and other summer nonsense. Then my muse died a horrible death, then it came back and I wrote half of this chapter, then it died again. Bringing in Lexi isn't easy! I'm trying my hardest not to make things done but your reviews will let me know how I'm doing and you guys know I love suggestions and ideas. The new season has been awesome so far, I'm so happy my show is back!

So, on with the fic! This chapters actually on the "slow" side, just wanted to get some small things out like introductions to Lexi and so forth because a lot will be happening in the next few chapters.

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Meredith had the largest lump in her throat, and no matter how hard she swallowed, it wouldn't disappear.

She had tossed and turned the entire night before, worried about Izzie, missing Derek and most of all the thoughts about her baby sister she never knew roaming the halls of Seattle Grace, a zombie on her very first forty-eight hour shift. Even with Cristina's detailed description, Meredith couldn't fit the pieces together to picture her in her mind. She found herself dozing off for a moment, and then her eyes would shoot open again and stare at the red numbers in the darkness, telling her the time. Finally around 4:15 am she found herself sitting up in bed with a sigh. Her entire life felt like a dream and she opened and closed her eyes excessively in order to assure herself that everything was real, but the assurance came in a different way, the little bubbles she felt low in her abdomen that reminded her of the life she carried. Brought her right back down to reality.

She wondered if Izzie was going to call in or trudge through the day with sad eyes and a broken heart. She found her answer sitting in the bathroom struggling to french braid her short hair. Without saying a world, Meredith stood behind her, reaching up to take her hair in her hands and tightly braid it.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" Izzie asked. Meredith finished Izzie's hair and dropped her arms at her side.

"No," Meredith said softly. "I just think you need a break."

"That's the last thing I need," Izzie stated. "I'll just sit at home with my thoughts, cooking and cleaning...yes, last thing I need is to be alone with my thoughts."

"Just take things easy, alright?" Meredith said with sympathetic eyes. Izzie nodded.

"It should be the other way around, you know. I should be worried about you," she said, touching Meredith's stomach. "I wish we could feel it move already, I get so anxious waiting for this baby you'd think I was the one pregnant."

"Don't get any ideas," Meredith smirked.

"Oh yes, immaculate conception Mer, it's ALL the rage," Izzie smiled.

Meredith couldn't help but smile back, it was rather nice to see Izzie in a better mood.

"Are you ready to meet her?" Izzie asked.

"Nowhere near close," Meredith sighed.

"George says she's really nice, witty...he said she's clumsy like you, I just saw her a handful of times. She's gorgeous, it's got to be weird for her too you know? I mean, maybe not now because she's in the dark, but someone's going to turn on the lights eventually and she's going to be overwhelmed with it all too," Izzie said.

"I don't know if I want her to know," Meredith said softly. "It was hard enough for me, and I just saw Molly once, she doesn't even know I'm her sister, no clue! I have to sit there everyday and watch my little sister stay up for days on end and save lives...go through everything that we did, it's not easy, not at all."

"Nothing can change that she is your sister Meredith, either she finds out or she doesn't. But honestly, its better if she knows. She deserves to know you and your baby."

Meredith nodded.

The two women got themselves ready for work, penned up Mr. Snuggles in the kitchen, and said their good-byes to the little ball of fluff. George had obviously left before either of them got up, most likely eager to get on the big case the hospital was buzzing about.

Izzie reached for the front door and both she and Meredith sighed.

"Here we go," she sighed.

"Here we go," Meredith repeated.

---------------------------------------------

George couldn't believe his luck, second day of the new interns and he had Lexi attached to his hip yet again.

"So..." Lexi said, eyeing the medical folder in George's hand.

"So, what?" George asked, a bit nervous.

"What is this don't ask don't tell, silent medical practice, do you use hand signals? Think I'm telepathic? You've hardly said a word to me in the past two days, you just a, smile and nod at me or b, mumble something to yourself and then I have to ask someone else for translation. Look, I get that I'm the new kid but jeez, give me a break," Lexi groaned. George stared up on her trying hard to think about how the look she was giving him was identical to the face Meredith gave when she was annoyed.

"Ugh, I'm sorry," Lexi said, shaking her head, noticing George was a little taken aback.

"No, no," George said, setting down the folder on the nurse's station before him, "You're right, and I apologize, I've got a lot on my mind."

He wasn't exaggerating either, and he was getting annoyed that whatever divine creature was ruling their lives kept throwing him into Meredith's drama.

"It's alright," Lexi smiled, her tone changing completely. She tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders and for a moment George thought it was Meredith standing before him. "So, what's the story?"

"We've got a 52 year old male..." George stopped as he eyed Meredith walking down the hall. Lexi caught his gaze and turned to look at Meredith as well.

Meredith gulped nervously as she eyed the young girl standing with George.

"Hi, George," she said trying hard to smile and cover up the fact that she was shaking so badly with nervousness.

She turned to face Lexi, her mouth dry, "Hi, you must be one of the new interns..." She said slowly, hoping she wouldn't choke on her words. "I'm Meredith..." She was close to saying her last name but decided to leave it out.

"Lexi," the taller girl smiled, offering her hand.

Meredith quickly shook it as Bailey made her way over. She eyed the two girls and sensed Meredith's tension.

"Grey, you're on the big neonatal case coming in today, O'Malley we may need you too."

Lexi was about to speak but she realized that she wasn't the Grey Bailey was referring too.

Noticing the confused look on Lexi's face, Bailey shook her head, "Forgot ya'll have the same last name, strange coincidence," Bailey nodded. "Uh, younger Grey, we need two of the new interns on this case as well, you show us what you've got today and you may be scrubbin' in when the times comes. I'm watchin' you, Doctors Burke, Sheperd and Montgomery are watchin' too, so I'd suggest you don't stand around here waiting for O'Malley to write you out a worksheet and give you a gold star. Move your ass girl."

Lexi nodded, opening her mouth to speak but Bailey shot her a glare. Lexi sighed and decided to blurt it out anyways. "You can call me Alexandria or something...I mean, Lexi might sound childish and with two Doctor Grey's around I uh...well, you could call me by my mother's maiden name...or, uhm..."

Bailey raised an eyebrow and looked to the young girl, "Younger Grey, I suggest you move your ass double the speed your originally were going to move said ass."

Lexi nodded before taking off down the hall.

Bailey then turned to Meredith, her eyebrow still raised, "And don't you give me that thankful look. I'm not handin' out special treatment like candy, but now isn't the time for emotional episodes and high school drama either. You can tell her, or someone else can tell, her, I don't care! Let's keep the drama out of the hospital, otherwise I'ma get rid of all your asses and emotionally scar more young innocent little interns. And with all that said I don't want to hear the word sister anymore, ya'll got that?"

George and Meredith nodded.

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"Meredith!" Derek called out as he watched a light haired young woman zoom past him. She paid him no attention to Derek ran forward and gently grabbed her lower arm.

"Sorry I think you have me confused with someone else..." The girl said softly, and Derek was obviously embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry!" He apologized, "Long night."

"Lexi," she smiled, offering her hand. "I'm one of the new interns."

"Derek Sherperd," Derek smiled.

"I know," Lexi smiled. "I don't want to sound like a suck up or ass-kisser but you're one of the reasons I chose Seattle Grace. I think you're a fantastic doctor."

"Thank you Lexi, that's very kind of you to say. Who is your resident?"

"Doctor Bailey. You mistook me for uh, Meredith, right? If you're looking for her she's actually with Doctor Bailey right now."

"Thank you, I appreciate it...Doctor..."

"Oh uh, Doctor Grey! My full name is Alexandria Grey but everyone calls me Lexi. I had no idea there was another Grey around here," Lexi laughed. Derek couldn't help but take in the strange resemblance she bore to Meredith, same light brown hair, same blue eyes, her skin light, her features delicate, freckles dotting her nose and cheeks. It was a strange coincidence, and Derek shook the thoughts from his mind.

"Well, I'm taking up your time. Nice talking to you, Lexi, I'll be seeing you around," Derek smiled. Lexi gave a nod and a smile and turned and was on her way.

Derek found George first who gave a sighed and a "thank God" at the sight of Derek. He pointed down behind the nurses station where Meredith was breathing into a paper bag.

"She went all ah, anxiety! After Bailey took off," George stated. Derek nodded.

"Meredith, dear, I don't think the nurses appreciate you sitting at their feet, panic attacking it."

Meredith lowered the bag and stared up at Derek in disbelief. "I take it you don't know," Meredith groaned.

Derek gave her a clueless look, and Meredith sighed.

"I KNEW I should have paged you last night or told you the minute I walked in. I'm guessing you didn't see her then?" Meredith asked.

"See who? I've seen a lot of her's all night and morning," Derek shrugged.

"My sister," Meredith whined.

"Your sister? The one who doesn't know about you? Molly? Did she have her baby...well, of course she would have had her baby but, how is she?" Derek asked.

"No..." Meredith groaned, "My other sister."

"You have another sister? Funny that we're having a child together and I don't even know how many siblings you have."

"I really don't either," Meredith sighed. "I mean, I did know! I thought I told you...unless there's another one...oh, please don't let there be another one," Meredith whined, breathing into the bag again.

George sighed, "Lexi, one of the new interns is Molly's sister, Meredith's half sister."

"Lexi? I just met Lexi, as a matter of fact I thought she was you, Meredith!" Derek said, a little taken aback.

"We look nothing alike, how could you mistake her for me!" Meredith hissed.

Derek held up his hands in surrender, "Well, I don't think hiding in a nurses station is going to make her go away."

"Why not?" Meredith groaned as Derek helped her to her feet.

"Because then your tiny ineffectual fists would not be assisting in a major surgery," Derek smirked, Meredith swooned and George felt like he was going to vomit.

"Yeah, so...I have to go WORK WITH Lexi now, I should be the one breathing in a bag, she's taller then me and she knows more then I do, or at least thinks she does... AND she's your sister. Give ME the Bag!" George exclaimed, grabbing the bag from Meredith, taking a few breaths and then handing it back to her.

Derek placed a gentle hand on Meredith's shoulder as George took off and Meredith looked up at him with sad eyes.

"You going to be alright?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded, "I'll make it, so what's this big case?"

"Conjoined twins."

"Conjoined twins...here? Seriously?" Meredith asked, obviously shocked.

"Seriously, I guess the family wants me to do the neuro aspects of the surgery. It's a huge team effort, separation team, each girl gets a team...one of the girls has some heart complications. It's a difficult surgery and the outcome is often grim. A lot of times they don't survive or one or even both could be paralyzed. We've been forwarded X-RAYS and Cat scans, I think I can do this surgery with a positive outcome but I need a good team. We have three weeks to meet, practice the surgery and get ourselves prepared."

"It feels...morbid...for me to work on this case, but it's a rare opportunity. Count me in."

-----------------------------

"You smell good," Mark smirked, eyeing Addison. Addison gave him a smile and shook her head.

"Let's be professional," Addison stated.

Mark shrugged, "Hey professional around here means getting laid in all possible places, so saying you smell good, that's pretty damned PC," Mark replied, moving closer to Addison and leaning in for a kiss, just as the conference room door swung open.

"Interrupting anything?" Derek asked, rolling his eyes as Meredith slipped in behind him.

"Don't you two start," Addison groaned. "Meredith," She said, nodding her head, greeting Meredith.

Meredith gave a smile and softly said, "Addison," with a nod.

"Where's everyone else?" Derek asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"We're early, they'll be here in hospital time, meaning we've got a few minutes," Addison answered.

"Lovely," Derek said, sitting next to Meredith and glaring in Mark's direction.

Cristina Yang eagerly pushed her way into the room, rubbing her hands with excited glee.

Meredith raised an eyebrow, "You're in on this too?"

Cristina plopped down by Meredith and gave a surprised look, "Why WOULDN'T I be?" Cristina gasped.

Meredith shrugged, "Who is in the pit?" Meredith asked.

"New kids, Karev, he got cocky so Bailey made him babysit," Cristina shrugged.

"Where is Stevens?" Addison asked, semi aware that Izzie wasn't feeling the best, cuious if she had come in at all.

"Oh, she's here." Meredith nodded, "I think she's up on your floor doing her gyno duties."

George slid in followed by Bailey.

"I've got a surgey in 15, can't push it back, someone gonna fill me in?" She eyed her three interns and George nodded. "And there better be no lingering no matter how many donuts they bring in. No special treatment, you listen and then you get the hell outta here as fast as you can and do your jobs."

Cristina, George and Meredith nodded and Bailey left the room.

"You know what? I love the fact that we have new interns because we can leave and come this stfuf like this while they get to suchre and file paperwork," George smiled.

"I heard that," Bailey said, her interns not noticing she had poked her head in, well aware one of them would have some comment.

George slumped back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. "I meant it in a nice way."

"She's not there, George," Cristina said, motioning to the door. "No ass kissing needed."

"They're bringing donuts?" Meredith said, sitting up in her chair, excited.

"Yes, fatzilla. Calm down, don't need you going all Hannibal Lecter in here," Cristina snipped.

"Ouch, big ouch, right here," Meredith pouted, pointing to her heart.

"Just because you're having a baby doesn't entitle you to act like one," Cristina shot back.

"Girls, do I need to separate you?" George asked.

"Maybe," Meredith sulked.

Mark was tapping on the table giving Derek looks.

Addison took notice and tried to start a conversation, "Okay now it's getting ridiculous. This is one of the biggest cases ever to come in here. Where is everyone?"

Over the course of 15 minutes, doctors and interns and finally, the chief slipped in.

"Doctor Burke couldn't join us, emergency surgery, one of his patients was bumped, we'll fill him in," the Chief began, closing the doors behind him.

------------------------------

"So, Lexi right?" Alex asked, moving himself near Lexi who was going over a ptients file.

Lexi just gave a nod as Alex eyed her up and down.

"Sexy Lexi," Alex muttered to himself.

"What was that?" Lexi asked, her eyes moving upward to look him in the face.

Alex just gave a smug look and shrug. Lexi tucked her file under her arm and leaned in, whispering into Alex's ear, "Not my type, jackass."

Alex gave a grin before saying, "Oh, fiesty. I like that."

Lexi rolled her eyes, "Seriously. You're a pig. Go shove your fingers up someone's ass."

"Oooo, little miss manners, ordering me around. Hey kid, I'm in charge right now." Alex pointed out.

"Then act like an authority figure, might earn you some respect," Lexi stated.

Bailey made her way over, obviously pleased with Lexi's behavior. "Grey, suit up. I need you."

Lexi turned to Alex with a smirk as Bailey made her way to OR three.

"Have fun," she grinned.

----------------------------------

"She's on a surgery?" Cristina half asked, half groaned. "Oh, no way...seriously. That little kiss ass!"

Izzie just tucked her hair behind her ear trying not to say anything regarding Cristina's previous "suckup" style behavior.

"We didn't get on a case that fast, she hasn't even been here two days," George pointed out.

"Guys, it's an easy surgery, why are you honestly complaining?" Meredith asked.

"Isn't there some unwritten hospital law that a different doctor each term picks an intern for first surgery for whatever damn reason?" Cristina asked. "That's why I'm complaining. Bailey bypassed that."

"Maybe it was Bailey's turn," Meredith shrugged.

"You're sticking up for her, nepotist," Cristina growled.

"Okay guys, be civil," Izzie softly said. "Let's all go watch her do this, they're still in there so, let's do the support thing."

"Please let her be a 007," Cristina said, bringing her hands together as if she were begging the gods.

"I take offense to that," George stated.

"I'm going to go do something productive," Meredith nodded. "Like help an old lady or eat something."

"You don't want to watch her?" George asked.

Meredith shook her head, "No, you guys go, fill me in. There's probably some cool case coming in right as we speak."

"Or not," Cristina added.

Meredith shrugged, "Well then, I'll eat something."

"Oh fantastic, she's being all 'dark and twisty' Meredith again," Cristina said as she watched Meredith turn a corner.

"Leave her alone," Izzie suggested. "She's got enough to worry about."

"Don't we all?" George sighed.

"I say tonight is a bar night," Izzie smiled.

"Agreed." Cristina and George both chimed in.


	21. Chapter 21: A Bitter Song

**_NOTES:_** I'm BACK. I've moved and so on and didn't have a computer for a good while, but here I am with plenty to update this fic with. Except a handful of chapters to pop up in the near future. How about that Season 3? Wow. Its weirding me about how random things from my fic keep happening, from "siamese" twins, Cristina & Prestons engagement, Callie O'Malley and so forth, I'm like whoa! Hahahah, hopefully this chapter does not disappoint.

* * *

The day dragged on much longer than the interns would have wished, slow cases shuffled in at a fairly regular pace but the most interesting buzz around the hospital was still the whispers about the Grey sister who had never even met. People talked more about their situation then the case of conjoined twins that could put Seattle Grace on the front page of The Seattle Times. 

Izzie, Cristina and Meredith found themselves in their usual spot, a rarely used hallway on some excess beds. Meredith was happily munching away on a bag of chips which she repeatedly dipped in cream cheese, making Cristina cringe.

"You're so gross," Cristina groaned.

Meredith paid no attention but Izzie snatched the bag of chips from her and tossed the cream cheese. "No more," Izzie ordered.

"You're seriously cruel," Meredith whined.

"Your baby will be 20 pounds and you'll never be able to deliver it," Izzie stated.

"That would be terrifying if I WASN'T a doctor and didn't know what a lie that is," Meredith replied.

"Suit yourself; add a good 50 pounds to your teeny tiny bone frame."

"I will," Meredith sulked.

"If I have to help another old lady with her anal suppositories I'm going to hurl," George said, joining the trio of women in the hall, Meredith scooting over on the bed so he could sit down next to her.

"Can't a volcano erupt or something?" Cristina sighed, "Seriously, where is the carnage?"

"She follows me, everywhere," George sighed, clearly not paying any attention to Cristina.

"Lexi?" Meredith asked.

George nodded, "I went to go pee and she was right behind me. When she realized I was going pee she waited for me, so I stuck her with Alex, it weirds me out, no offense Meredith but she's creepy," George said.

"She is not," Izzie firmly stated. "I think she's very nice. You're just weirded out because she's Meredith's sister and you've got that whole sexual tension that lead to drama thing that piled up and now her hot sister comes to town so you're constantly reminded of the drama, am I right?"

"Thanks Izzie," George and Meredith said in union.

"And you're wrong," George answered. "I'm perfectly fine with Callie. She's my...McHottie!"

"Oh shut up, Bambi," Cristina said rolling her eyes. "I'm going...I'll push someone down the stairs in order to get a case in here, any takers?"

Izzie pushed George off the bed, "Take him."

George grabbed Izzie's wrist and pulled her forward, "Actually Izzie obviously needs some time off."

"Ouch George," Izzie snapped.

"I'm out of here too," George groaned. "Hormonal women suck."

"Maybe I'll push McSister down the stairs, but don't act like I'm doing you a favor George."

"Fine," George agreed.

---------------------------------

"Hey!" Derek smiled as he ran into Meredith who finally decided to get back to her rounds. "Feeling better?"

Meredith sighed, "No."

Derek rubbed Meredith's tummy which caused her to smile.

"I've successfully avoided her for the most part," Meredith shrugged.

"Just try, at least for now, to pretend she ISN'T related to you. You don't know her and she has no clue she is even related to you, so function just like before. She's just another intern," Derek said, giving Meredith a kiss on the forehead.

Meredith gave another small smile, but she quickly recognized someone further down the hall that she didn't want to see.

"Hide me," she gasped, moving Derek to stand in front of her.

Derek turned to look over his shoulder and Meredith grabbed his chin and made him look at her. "My father is here, THIS is why having her here is a problem!"

Down the hall, bumbling and nervous was Thatcher Grey, scanning the hospital for Lexi.

Meredith peeked over Derek's shoulder as Thatcher stopped a nurse who pointed him in the right direction.

"Great," Meredith whined. "Just great!"

-------------------------------

"Dad?" Lexi seemed rather shocked to see her father standing before her as she left a patients room, George following behind her. "What...what are you doing here?"

Thatcher sighed, a look of disappointment slipping over his face. "I went to Mercy West looking for you, Lexi. I brought you vermicelli and tofu from Seattle Deli...and I went to Mercy West...And...and you weren't there. I'm sorry, we don't have a Lexi Grey here, they tell me!"

"Dad..." Lexi sighed, pulling him off into an epty room.

"You lied to your mother and I, Lexi," Thatcher sadly said. "Luckily I know you well enough and figured you'd be here."

"Dad, I knew you didn't want me coming here. I know it's hard for you having one wing named after your ex wife but this is my dream and I though you both would hold me back from it. This is the hospital I wanted with the some of the best doctors in the country. I didn't do it to hurt you, Dad. I did it for my career."

"I wouldn't have held you back, Lexi," Thatcher said. Though he didn't ever want her to work at Seattle Grace, not because of Ellis Grey wing, but because of Meredith, he feared Lexi stumbling upon all his secrets, all his lies and never forgiving him.

"I'm sorry," Lexi said softly. "I guess I underestimated your Daddy skills."

Thatcher gave a smile, "Either way Lexi, I'm still proud of you."

Lexi nodded, "I know."

She peeked into the brown bag Thatcher handed her. "You don't have to do this you know, I don't expect you to drive out here on a regular basis. The cafeteria food isn't so bad and there's a Thai place close."

Thatcher nodded. "Its just nice to have you back in Washington, seems like we didn't see you long enough before you started your internship."

Lexi nodded, "I'm a big girl now, Dad. I appreciate the food but don't worry about me. I'll call you when I can, maybe we'll get together this weekend. I have a present for Laura."

Thatcher nodded, "I'll see you soon then."

"Thanks Dad," Lexi said as she gave her father a hug.

Thatcher and Lexi both exited the room and Lexi watched Thatcher slowly make his way down the hall.

"Aw, Daddy brought you lunch? That's SO cute." Cristina smirked.

"How do you know he wasn't just the delivery guy?" Lexi asked, rolling her eyes.

"Who hugs the delivery guy?" Cristina asked. "Yes, I did see that. Cute hair by the way," Cristina added sarcastically, before walking away.

Lexi reached up and touched her french braids before sighing.

-------------------------

"I've been asked four times already this morning if Lexi is really Meredith's sister," Chief Webber sighed, touching his fingers to his temples. He looked out of his office window and then turned to look at Bailey.

"She's already proving she's worth it, sir," Bailey shrugged.

"I didn't pick her because her last name is Grey. I picked her because her transcripts were picture perfect, her professors' recommendations were extraordinary. I picked her because in writing, she's the ideal intern."

"Seems like they're all coming with a backpack full of drama now," Bailey stated.

"I can't just kick her out of the program due to relations. If that were the case majority of the hospital staff wouldn't be here."

"I'll do my best to keep the drama at a low point," Bailey said.

"If anyone can keep their word on something like that, it's you," Richard replied.

----------------------------------------

"I am so hungry," Meredith groaned, setting her tray down on the table. "How much longer until this shift is over?"

"Six hours, 43 minutes and fifteen seconds," George answered.

"I need sleep. The baby is sucking my life force," Meredith said with a yawn.

"Did you see your Dad?" Cristina smirked, looking to Meredith.

"Stop there, don't remind me," Meredith replied.

"That's obviously a yes," Cristina said. "He brought the kindergartner her lunch. Isn't that cute?"

Lexi just so happened to be walking by as Cristina started a new tyrant about her disgust for the new interns, especially Lexi.

Lexi set her bag of food on the table and glared down at Cristina,

"You know what's sad? The fact that you are a doctor, and this is a field that takes BRAINS, but you're not smart enough...now you just don't have courage to tell me what you feel to my face. So what if I french braid my hair or my Dad brings me lunch, it doesn't make me any less of a doctor. I'm NOT stupid, I know what you say, I know how you are constantly badmouthing me behind my back...here's your chance, Yang. Say what you will, I'm right here. I'm a big girl...I CAN TAKE IT."

Cristina was obviously taken aback, she shrugged putting her fork down before saying, "You've probably heard all I've had to say, but in my honest opinion, you're too full on, and you're annoying. Is that what you wanted?"

Lexi just shook her head in outrage, zooming over to an empty table across the cafeteria, slamming her food down.

"Cristina!" Meredith growled, pushing herself from the table and standing.

"What, Meredith? She wanted the truth, she got the truth." Cristina shrugged.

"That was low, even for you," Meredith said, obviously dissapointed.

Meredith picked up her tray and moved over to Lexi's table.

"Why are you eating by yourself?" Meredith asked.

Lexi looked up at her, obviously trying to hold back tears. "Don't come here trying to butter me up or anything. I don't need a friend."

"Well, let's say I'm not here to be a friend, just a fellow intern, can I sit with you?"

"Oh, I didn't know second years associated with first years," Lexi said, rolling her eyes.

"Don't listen to Cristina, she's very jealous. I'm not just saying that either. Cristina is very intense, and you've come in and have really made a name for yourself already. You're drama free and get your stuff done and the residents and attendings like that. You're not doing anything wrong," Meredith said. "And I think your hair is cute."

Lexi gave a small smile, "Thanks, you don't have to sit with me though. Seriously. I like my lone intern table."

"Why do you like being alone? I mean, I'm not trying to pry but..."

"I can't stand most of the other first years, and the second years treat me like a kid. Besides if you had parents as overbearing as mine, you'd want to be alone sometimes. I don't even live at home anymore but they still drive me nuts," Lexi said, perring at the contents in her bag. "See, my Dad stalks me to bring me food. I'm twenty four, I don't need him to obtain sustenance."

"Your parents are overbearing?"

"Definition of it," Lexi began. "Well, maybe not "overbearing". I was pretty sheltered. Wait, yes, overbearing. Don't want to write an autobiography here though."

Meredith nodded, she decided it wasn't best to talk about parents after all, hearing about her father just made her stomach turn, "I haven't been a second year very long, you know. You'll do fine."

Lexi nodded, "Thanks."

They sat together for a moment, in silence until Lexi spoke up again. "There's a lot of gossip in this hospital, it's like high school all over again."

Meredith nodded, "You'll get used to that. I'm pregnant with an attendings baby, I hear things constantly."

"I didn't even notice," Lexi smiled leaning over the table. "Oh shit, you are. How cool! Do people already try and touch your tummy? My sister Molly HATED that," Lexi said, flashing yet another smile. "She just had a baby herself, Laura. I don't have much patience...yet I have patience for kids, pretty funny.."

"Oh so..." Meredith began, trying her best to seem clueless, "You have siblings?"

"One," Lexi nodded, "A younger sister...so how far a long are you?" Lexi asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Almost four months," Meredith answered.

"And you're showing that much already? Big baby, I'm guessing. I'm not trying to say you're fat or anything. Your tummy is just so pronounced. Are you excited? Oh and you said attending...my turn to pry...who is the lucky daddy?"

Meredith let out a little giggle, "Derek Sheperd."

"No way," Lexi said, her mouth dropping.

"Yes, very way," Meredith nodded.

"Wow your baby is going to be beautiful. Coming from both sides that is," Lexi smiled.

"Thank You," Meredith smiled.

Lexi eyed her cell phone and then looked back up at Meredith, "I'm not that hungry, you need to eat more than I do." Lexi said, shoving her food to Meredith. "I'm gonna head outside for a smoke, I'll...see you around?"

Meredith nodded and said thank you as Lexi smiled, grabbed her cell phone and left.

"So?" Izzie asked, as she quickly ran over and sat across from Meredith.

Meredith buried her head in her hands.

"My life is the definition of dysfunctional, seriously," she sulked.


	22. Chapter 22: Eyes Open

**NOTES:** This chapter ended up being really long so I cut a couple of scenes and put them in the next chapter, but hopefully this chapter does not disssapoint. I've ben working on another GA fic 'Something More Than This" which follows everyone in their younger years so feel fre to check it out. This chapter is dedicated to Megan over at greys forum dot com for all her ideas and feedback, thanks Megan!

A reviewer also pointed out that lexi's age wouldn't add up so I tacked another year on. The only reason i made her 23 was because I thought there needed to be a fairly big gap between her and Mer and I was going crazy trying to figure out Mer's age. I finally figured she's got to be 30 or even 31 so a 6 year gap between them does work, so Lexi is 24 now :)

--------------------------

Lexi took a long drag of her cigarette as she sat down on a bench outside of Seattle Grace and tucked her loose bangs behind her ear. She had tried rather hard to keep her emotions bottled up inside but now, as the wind blew about her; she let a few tears fall.

"Hey, you can't let the drama here at S Grace get you down," a voice said from over her shoulder.

"What?" She said, wiping her eyes before she turned to see Alex come up behind her and sit on the bench next to her.

"Don't cry, makes you look bad," he said.

"I wasn't crying," Lexi said, sitting up a little higher in a desperate attempt to make herself look tough. She took another drag of her cigarette and exhaled slowly.

"Going to blame it on allergies?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. Lexi just rolled her eyes. "Bailey know you're out here?"

"She know you're out here?" Lexi snapped back, "I'm on lunch, jackass. I'm entitled to a cigarette, what are you doing out here?"

"I get better reception," Alex answered. "Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't crying!" Lexi firmly said.

"Testy today, sexy Lexi?" Alex smirked.

"Got a lot on my mind, Kinky Karev," Lexi said.

"Nice," Alex smirked again, pleased with her rebuttal nickname. "But sulking in front of the hospital is a good way to let everyone know you're a mental case."

"Are you always an asshole?"

"Just about," Alex answered.

"Good to know," Lexi sighed.

"Hey, look, this hospitals full of drama. Don't let the little shit get to you."

"This isn't about Cristina Yang," Lexi stated.

"You're not screwing a resident are you?" Alex asked.

"No! But you're not the type of person I'd confide in either."

"Try me," Alex said.

"I already know how fast rumors start here. My best friend's sister works here," Lexi said.

"Oh, so now you're an expert on Seattle Grace?"

"You gave her syphilis," Lexi said. Alex's smirk dropped to a frown.

"You know Olivia?" Alex asked.

Lexi nodded.

"So then, you've heard the one about you and Meredith?"

"Yes," Lexi said, taking a deep breath. "Not a rumor though."

"So, you know?"

"I've known," Lexi answered.

"Who told you?" Alex asked.

"No one 'told me' anything."

"Spill kid, I've got calls to make."

"When I was pretty young, my mother told me my dad was married before and had a kid. I was curious, I found out more. Long story short."

"Does that have anything to with why you're here?"

"No."

"Bullshit."

"Seriously!"

"Olivia's sisters best friend, Meredith's sister, you're a GREAT catch. You going to say anything because Big sis is having a big ass panic attack over you."

"She knows?"

"Of course she knows. I'm not writing her biography, but she met your sister or something. I'm shit for details cuz it's not my prob."

"I feel like I should regret telling you any of this."

"Eh, I don't get anything from this. I suggest you tell Meredith," Alex said.

"I'm not ready yet."

Alex's phone began ringing and he excused himself, "Gotta take this..." he said, before answering the phone. "Hey! Laura, yeah...look sorry about that night at the bar. I need a favor, for a friend...why should you help me? Uh huh...good, yeah...I...what? No! Look this friend lost someone close to them...she's going...No it's not a chick I'm screw-" He took his phone from his ear as the young woman hung up on him.

"Who's the girl?" Lexi asked.

"What girl?"

"The one the favors for. You don't seem like captain compassionate, what gives, you like this girl?"

"Oh, yeah and you're worried about me spreading shit. I'm not telling you anything," Alex said.

"Suit yourself, I have my ways," Lexi shrugged.

"Izzie Stevens," Alex groaned.

"That was fast!" Lexi smiled.

"Keep your mouth shut, she's been throuhg a lot and needs all the friends she can get. I've been kind of a dog lately to her and am trying to make it up to her. I like the girl, so sue me," Alex shrugged.

"What's the favor?" Lexi asked.

"She sort of...mutilated her hair. I wanted to make her an appointment somewhere nice so she could get it fixed and just get a break. I don't know where the hell to send her though, I shave my own head!"

"Soci's on 65th, right off the 99, great place, that's where I get my hair done when I can actually afford it. I have their card in my wallet, I'll find it for you when I leave tonight," Lexi said.

"Thanks," Alex replied. "Just keep everything quiet."

"The same goes to you," Lexi smiled, getting up and turning towards the hospital. "Just pretend this conversation never happened."

------------------

Later, that night...

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked, bringing her hand to her mouth with a yawn.

"If you're going to continue yawning, nowhere. I'll take you home and tuck you in bed," Derek answered.

"Don't tempt me," Meredith smirked. Derek reached over and rubbed her belly with a smile.

"He's really wearing you out, isn't he?"

"Yes," Meredith began, returning Derek's warm smile. "Yes SHE is."

"Touché," Derek laughed.

"Seriously, where are we going?" Meredith asked.

Derek pointed to the ferry station in the distance.

"Ferryboat?" Meredith half asked, half laughed.

"We're going to Bainbridge island, to the trailer...for a picnic under the stars," Derek smiled. Meredith looked a little confused.

"Addison isn't going to be there, she's long since taken her stuff. I've been using it for storage until I decide what I'm going to do,"

"Don't sell your property on account of me Derek," Meredith replied.

"We'll get there when we get there," Derek smiled again, gently touching Meredith's cheek. They pulled the car onto the ferry and made their way up to the top deck. The sky was surprisingly clear for a Seattle night and a gentle wind blew, causing Meredith to pull her long sweater jacket a little tighter. Derek wrapped his arms around her and kissed the side of her head gently. He then rested his hand on her stomach.

"The baby is moving right now," Meredith said softly.

"Really?" Derek smiled.

"I wish you could feel it," She sighed.

"In time," he said.

"You sound like an old man when you say that," Meredith laughed.

"Yes but a dashing, intelligent, turn on of an old man, right?" Derek winked.

"Oh, of course!" Meredith giggled.

They spent the entire ferry ride cuddle together, trying to name the stars they could see high in the sky. When they reached Bainbridge island around a half hour later, they drove in the darkness to their destination and Derek pulled his picnic supplies from the back of his car.

"Pasta salad," Meredith squealed in delight.

"Not exactly fancy but you said you'd been craving it all week," Derek smiled as he pulled a precooked chicken and some more sides from the grocery bags he had just set down.

Meredith peeked into a bag and frowned, "You got champagne? I can't drink!"

"Correction, I got sparkling cider," Derek smirked.

"What's all this for?" Meredith asked.

"For you, it's not easy being pregnant. Not that I could ever understand, but you wear pregnancy well..."

"I do?" Meredith asked.

"You glow, I know it's cliché and all but you really do. This is for the months you've spent puking, in pain and exhausted on account of me and our baby. You deserve to be pampered now and then," Derek said, leaning down to kiss her lips gently.

Meredith couldn't help but get a little teary eyed.

"It's overwhelming," she said.

"Pasta salad overwhelms you?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Meredith said, trying hard not to laugh. "Everything. We haven't really thought about it all, Derek. I mean... I have a house full of people and I can't exactly kick them out...and you have all of this, this beautiful land just sitting here. I know you want to build a house but I can't just sell my Mom's house and-"

Derek gently put two fingers over her mouth to get her to stop rambling on.

"We'll work it out, trust me on this one."

"The baby needs things!" Meredith whined.

"We've got some time, and you forget my salary, money isn't ever going to be a concern so don't worry. Your appointment to find out the sex is soon, why don't we see if we can verify that it is a boy and then we can buy all the boyish blue stuff,"

"You mean girl and pinkish."

"Either way...we'll figure it out. I could always rent out the trailer to Callie and George, or Izzie..."

"No Izzie wouldn't live in a trailer again, I can tell you that, plus she's already stated she's going to be my 'baby whisperer'."

"Our mother's don't even know," Meredith sulked. "I can't tell my mother that I'm pregnant. There's no way she'd understand, but she'll see it when I visit her and then yell at me like I'm one of her interns and tell me to go on leave."

"I have no excuse why I haven' told my mother...Oh wait, backlash, that's right."

"Backlash?"

"Backlash," Derek nodded. "One of my sisters just recently spilled the details on the divorce Addison and I are in the process of completing and she called me to lecture me for hours. I mentioned I was seeing you again and she got irritated."

"Shouldn't she be happy her only son is going to be a father?"

"I'm sure once the initial backlash settles down, yes."

Derek's cell phone began ringing and he eyed the caller ID. "That's eerie." He said.

"What?"

"It's my sister Shannon," Derek sighed. "They know when I bring up family, I swear."

He flipped his phone open and pressed it against his ear, "Hello Shannon!"

"Ah, you're at Mom's...I see. How are the kids? Good, good. I'm fine, really I am. Addison and I are...dealing. She's civil, I'm civil. Yes, Mark is still here, and I doubt going anywhere anytime soon. I prefer to avoid him. Oh? That's good to hear. Nancy is there too? How...great. Sure, I'll talk to Mom. Mother! How are you? Very busy, as always. Yes, I'm still seeing that girl. Speaking of that girl, I have some news. No no, not getting married yet. I suggest you sit down. You are sitting down? Good, good. Well, Meredith and I...we're having a baby." Derek flinched and pulled the phone from his ear as unintelligible shrieking occurred. The shrieks got louder as Derek figured she told his sisters. Nancy? Oh, hi. Yes, it's true. You know, that's not exactly how I would word it. She's just about four months along. Why did I wait this long? I feared the reaction. I am NOT a coward. NOW? You...wait, she's already...I have a major surgery coming up the end of the week and...fine. You can't make it? Oh I'm heartbroken. Yes, I'll make sure...Uh...yes, goodbye."

Derek closed his phone with a deep sigh. "My mother is on the computer booking a flight for her and two of my sisters to fly out here tomorrow to see us."

"TOMORROW?" Meredith gasped.

"Yes, tomorrow."

"Wow," was all Meredith could say.

"I'll second that," Derek sighed.

"First my sister…now your mother. Does this get any easier?"

"What, life?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded, "If I could make it easier for you, I would in a heartbeat."

--------------------

The following day Lexi Grey was awakened the slam of her front door. She had made it through the first 48 hours successfully, already building a solid reputation at the hospital. She squinted her tired eyes to look at the digital clock on her cable box.

"Four thirty?!" She yelped, running towards her bathroom in dire need of a shower before she had to leave.

"Lexi?" A voice called out, the voice belonging to the person who slammed her door, causing Lexi to run around like a chicken with her head cut off.

Lexi ran back to peek into her living room where she was once sprawled out on the couch, she wasnt even able to make it to her bed the night before.

"It's four thirty in the afternoon, dear," the voice, belonging to her mother Susan, said. She opened the blinds and sunlight invaded the whole front room, Lexi groaned.

"Brought you some Vitamin water and soy crisps, also came to see if you needed any help around here. Goodness Lexi, look at your kitchen!" She gasped, peeking into the kitchen.

"I'm fine Mom...I'll do the dishes when I have time," Lexi sighed.

"How could one person go through so many dishes, Lexi Lynn... Tisk, tisk!"

"I'm exhausted Mom, I have to be back to work tomorrow morning. I got off at 8 this morning..."

"Too exhausted for your own mother?" Susan said, tucking Lexi hair behind her ears and taking her face in her hands. "Let me do your hair, make you something nice to eat..."

"I think I'll just wear my hair in a ponytail from now on," Lexi replied.

"Your father told me, you know. About your internship actually being at Seattle Grace...Lexi, why would you lie?"

"Becuase...I felt like you guys would jump on me if I didn't accept the internship to Mercy West, but when Seattle Grace came up I couldn't say no! They have one of the best line ups of doctors in the country, even their second year interns are amazingly skilled. I couldn't say no and I knew Dad would get all butthurt."

"Why do you say that?" Susan asked.

"Mom..." Lexi sighed. "I know. I know that Ellis Grey is Dad's ex wife, but you and Dad both knew I figured that out. You guys didn't think I'd get it? Dad was married and had a daughter, Ellis Grey's daughter. Ellis Grey's daughter Meredith, who is spectacular, and she's nice, and she's beautiful and having a baby!"

"Meredith...you met Meredith...and Meredith is pregnant?"

Lexi sat down on her couch and buried her head in her hands.

"Lexi is that why you went to Seattle Grace?"

Lexi sighed and looked up at her mother, "Yes."

"Oh! Alexandria Lynn Grey...of all the opportunities you could get, you choose this one just because of her?"

"It's a great opportunity Mom. Meredith motivated me to choose it, but ultimately it was the medical staff that cemented my choice."

"I knew you'd find out someday. My heart was racing when your father came home and told me you were at Seattle Grace...I had that feeling. You knew and you'd resent us," Susan sat next to her daughter and held her head on her shoulder.

"Why would you keep her...keep her from Molly and I? I just don't get it. I want to know her...it shouldn't have been like this, we could have grown up together," Lexi sobbed.

"Meredith's mother refused to let your father see her, she was a bitter, horrible woman and what she did was wrong," Susan said.

"Dad could have tried harder," Lexi replied.

Susan sighed. "I saw Meredith a few months ago. She met Molly."

"What?" Lexi shrieked as she moved away from her mother.

"I'm sorry," Susan sighed. "She was very nice, she worked on Molly's case when she went to the hospital. I told her she looked a lot like you, well i said both of you but I see it more in you and..."

"I don't even know her. I don't know what her favorite kind of pizza is, how she grew up, what her dreams are...and she's my sister. You don't even understand how much it hurts me, Mom! And now you tell her Molly met her and never told me?!"

"Molly has no idea who she is Lexi..."

"She will now! Lexi exclaimed, "You think I'm NOT going to tell her?"

Susan yet again gave a big sigh, "I don't think your father ever thought it would be like this."

"He didn't think at all, that's the problem."

"You can't stay angry Lexi. What's done is done. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but Ellis really hurt your father,"

Lexi just rolled her eyes, "So if you and Dad broke up when we were young, and you left, he wouldn't come looking for Molly and I?"

Susan had no idea how to reply.

"So, she knows about me then, Meredith...she knows?" Lexi asked.

"I'm not sure. I can assume she's put the pieces together," Susan shrugged.

"She's having a baby, like I said, a baby...and Dad would have had no idea if it weren't for me," Lexi said, picking the rest of her nail polish off of her index finger.

"I can't believe she's pregnant...wow," Susan said.

"Yeah," Lexi muttered. "I...I need to sleep some more, Mom."

Susan nodded.

"Don't tell Dad I know just yet, please."

"Lexi, how can I not tell him?"

"Just...don't. For all I know Meredith could hate and resent me."

Susan's eyed focused on Lexi's dark brown carpet. "She wasn't exactly thrilled to see Molly or I."

"I wouldn't be either, honestly. Imagine finding out something like that? She probably feels like I do, like her hearts going to implode or something."

"Just, be careful...don't get your hopes up."

Lexi nodded.

"We'll get through this sweetheart, just please don't be angry at your father."

"I'll make an attempt."

Susan stood and then leaned over to give Lexi a kiss on the forehead.

"Bye Mom," Lexi said softly. She watched her mom leave and decided the last place she wanted to be was locked up in her tiny apartment. Instead she took a quick shower, got dressed and decided she'd check out the bar that Alex Karev told her all the staff frequented. _I'd kill for a good drink_, she thought.


End file.
